A little food for thought...

This past week, I had a performance for an event celebrating the International Women's day. Congratulations by the way!

This is what happened: The previous two weeks, I was busy with life. Just a lot of house work, conflicting kids doctor's appointments, admin work, the passing of my grandfather... Basically, life being life.

With all that happening, I couldn't  get ready the way I wanted for the performance. I had no energy or time, although the will and motivation were there.

When time came to finally practice (two days before the event with new music to learn) impostor syndrome (and a tad of panic) kicked in… of course…

Fear of not performing good enough, not being prepared enough, making mistakes, being vulnerable, not delivering what I had promised the client… just not being enough.

And of course, I have been in that situation many times before. But what was different this time is how I was able to handle it. I have been working deeply for the past few months on myself. A lot of self-awareness, self-esteem, expanding my mindset, working with in facing and feeling my own fears rather than avoid them…

And this situation presented a great opportunity to apply what I had learned. Instead of letting my panic take over, I was able to step back and let the fear be present. Acknowledge it for what it was. I was able to let it be there, and instead of backing away, I could hold it and sustain it. I used it to practice with it and through it.

My practice became an opportunity for great growth, instead of a session filled with mediocre work causing more frustration. It gave me an opportunity to work with “being ok with being uncomfortable”, seeing the mistakes without attachment, letting them happen and being able to move pass them without judgment, but rather holding them for what they are: Just moments. I got to practice recovering after they happen, something we rarely practice to do. 

Practicing this way, expanding my nervous system to be able to hold whatever happens and still continue bringing myself back to being “regulated” (a concept that I’ve learned in the past year and I’m working towards implementing in my life) was very helpful.

The article I’m sharing below brings this week full circle for me. Read it. It will bring a lot of light. I’ve never been more grateful to having Imposter Syndrome. It is just a sign of growth. :)

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-imposter-syndrome-sign-youre-exactly-where-you-need-chris-sorg-vpsfe

Never stop playing!

Marlene