Freeing yourself while setting boundaries sounds like an oxymoron; but we do it all of the time. Drawing a line in the sand, closing a door and locking it, and leaving work at a designated time are just a few examples that represent ways to set appropriate boundaries that allows us to free ourselves. There is also another simple and effective way to set a rigid boundary; saying ‘No’. Whether you pronounce it acun, iie, or nicht it doesn’t matter. In every language, in every culture, no matter the spelling, it still means NO and it’s a distinct way to set a boundary. However, in many cultures it is not polite to say the word “NO”. In the Japanese culture one would find it quite offensive to say no directly. Whereas in the United States it is perfectly appropriate to say no. Unfortunately for many, it is much easier to go along with someone else’s wishes instead of taking a stand, being assertive, and standing firm in opposition to say ‘no’.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine if the “NO” boundary is necessary in whatever situation that you may find yourself in.

1. Do I want to do this specific task, favor or action?
Sometimes we do things that we really don’t want to do. Make sure your actions are motivated by you and not by what others might want you to do.
2. Do I have the resources?
Check your finances before committing. If you do not have the finances to support your decision, “NO” is appropriate.
3. Does this situation cause negative consequences?
Do a self-check to determine what affect your choice to commit might have on you.
4. Should I think about the situation and tell the person I would get back to them?
You have a right to take your time and think about your decision. Slow down.
5. Will the specific situation cause me emotional, physical or spiritual harm?
No is a complete sentence, use it when harm is involved.
6. Do I have the time?
Check your schedule before committing. This will reduce stress in your life.
7. Do I have a motive for doing the specific task?
How is saying YES beneficial in this situation?

Feel free to use these questions or create your own that you can use when accessing a situation to decide if you need to set a boundary. There are numerous benefits that come from setting boundaries such as: freedom of choice, reduced anxiety/ frustration, financial stability and an overall happier life that leads to healthy choice-making and strong relationships

One might ask “what are the steps I need to take to set a boundary?” and we’d like to suggest the following process. You must first identify that there is a need to set a boundary. Next you would need to accept that there is a need to do something different. After acceptance, it’s essential that you establish new boundaries. This portion of the process helps you move from realizing that you need a change to making the change. The final step is to maintain and revisit your boundaries.

Be nice to yourself, perfection will never happen so realize you will make mistakes. Boundary setting is not easy but it is necessary.

Happy Boundary setting!!!!!
Remember: The word No is a complete sentence.