Friend   --  This is an article I wrote in 1998 for a Los Angeles newspaper called The Messenger. It was one of a series called Angel Talk------Wynn

 

 

Perfect Moments, Not Perfect People

by Wynn Free 

 

Somehow we humans have gotten it into our heads that perfection is possible. We try to find role models who seem to mock up the perfection we attain to, the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend, the perfect teacher, the perfect friend, whatever. Except, when the person doesn’t live up to our expectations we often times discard them and go on looking for the next, the next, and the next. And we expect the same perfection from ourselves.  There’s the famous bible story of the townspeople who were ready to stone the prostitute whom Jesus admonished with, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Of course, no stones were thrown. At one point in my life, a spiritual teacher who was very loving, extremely wise, and completely empathetic was influencing me. He was an inspiration to many people. Except some flaws, or what some considered flaws, surfaced in his personal life. Many of his students chose to renounce him because of this and deny the many "perfect moments" he had provided for them. I chose to view this as throwing away the baby with the bath water and I have eternal gratitude in my life for this person who I credit with helping me grow into the person I am today.

 

I’ve learned to realize that “evil thoughts” are not bad. It’s the actions we take that are driven by those thoughts that are bad.  I would define “bad” in this context as “causing harm to others”.  If a man were killed for every lustful thought that crossed his mind when he saw a sexy woman, the human race would end in 24 hours. We all have negative thoughts and emotions. We feel envy. We feel angry. We feel hurt. We feel contempt. We feel revengeful.  The key to self-mastery is learning how to transform, not suppress, those thoughts.  If we judge ourselves, we end up feeling guilty for all these attributes of our natures, which are beyond our control.

 

But, when we are successful at this transformation we end up having more perfect moments in our lives, where everything is in harmony and love is flowing. Sometimes we fall into temporary states of perfect moments with another and call it romantic love. Sometimes we go on vacation and forget all our problems and experience perfect moments. Sometimes we sit at the feet of a spiritual master and feel perfect moments.  But it usually doesn’t endure until we have learned how to accept and deal with the negative side our being that I would define as the shadow self or the dark side. Often, spiritually seeking people will deny the existence of this part of themselves or feel that it is incongruous with their self image so they stuff it, left with feelings of shame and/or blocked energy. Unfortunately, denial just doesn’t work. So, I’d like to outline a few of the methods that have worked for me regarding the transformation of this shadow self, understanding that this is a continual work in progress.

 

1. Acceptance – Allowing myself to observe my shadow self from a neutral place inside. Compassionately accepting and even loving this part of myself, without letting it inflict on others. There’s something about total acceptance that causes the negativity to dissipate as opposed to the reverse, which ends up in  “that which you resist persists.”

 

2. Processing with others - Sharing information back and forth with friends and lovers about our shadow selves so that this same process of acceptance can work out in the world as well. Developing a great conscious intimate relationship is one of the most effective ways for one to work out the intricacies of the shadow self. But you must use discernment with all this. Not everyone can handle such direct honesty. (So what are they doing in your life anyway?)

 

3. Petitioning my higher self – This comes under the categories of meditation, invocation, and affirmation. My high self is beyond my shadow self, but the shadow self can block the energy from the high self. By consciously petitioning my high self, I can usually reestablish the connection. For example, let’s say I’m being consumed by jealousy. I could surround this jealousy with love and light and ask for its dispersal for my highest good. Or I could repeat a mantra or prayer  in my mind until the jealousy dissipated.

 

4. Involve myself in an act of selfless service – Changing the way someone else feels invariably flows right back to me and changes the way I feel, immediately overriding the grip of my shadow self. 

 

 

wynnfree@yahoo.com

I have used these particular techniques with great success and I’m sure there are many more as well.  I no longer expect some kind of unattainable perfection from others or myself. But perfect moments can be experienced, moments when we experience ourselves as totally positive, loving beings, in a totally miraculous universe, with others who we are in complete empathy with.