With Mother’s Day coming up, I’ve been thinking about mothers.

There probably isn’t a more emotionally charged word than “mother.” We all have mothers. Some of us are mothers.

When you think of the word “mother,” you might feel emotions of love or sadness, joy or guilt, happiness or anger. You may cry tears of delight or sorrow.

There is a lot of expectation around the word “mother.” We all have ideas of how mothers “should” be.

When thinking of one’s own mother, many feel they had a great childhood, many that they didn’t have the childhood they deserved.

If you are a mother, you may feel you did your best or that you didn’t measure up.

As a mother, I know what it’s like to feel your child’s pain and your child’s joy. It’s common to feel like it’s your job to make sure your kids are always happy.

If the thought of “mother” only brings up feelings of happiness, that’s awesome. However, if you are one of the many who feel a sense of heartbreak instead, let me offer some words of encouragement.

If you are lamenting your childhood, realize that if your parent fell short, it has to do with the parent’s issues, not the child. Most parents truly do the best they can given their own baggage. However, you are your own person.

You can make your own choices independent of the choices your parent made. You have the ability to use your parents’ shortcomings as an excuse for your own problems, or you can learn from them and make your life better. The choice is up to you.

As a parent, we have expectations of our children. If they make choices that go contrary to our expectations, we can feel like we failed as a parent.

If you are a mother suffering from guilt, realize that it is up to us to do our absolute best to love, teach and train our children; but when they grow up, become adults and make choices of their own, they are responsible for their choices.

Our job is to continue to love them, but not to take responsibility for their choices, whether good or bad. Take the pressure off yourself. You are one influence, and a powerful one, but they also have many, many other influences. The media, including social media is a big influence, then there are teachers, friends, coworkers, and more.

This Mother’s Day, show the mothers in your life some love and compassion.

Give yourself the gift of taking responsibility for your own actions and feelings. Pat yourself on the back for all the good that you do. I know this is easier said than done, but strive to release yourself from the expectations that are keeping you from feeling joy.

The following exercise may be helpful. Take a few deep breaths and pull out your Choosing Joy in the Journey Journal.

1- Write down 5 things your mom did well or that you love and admire about her.

2- Write down 5 lessons you learned from your mom.

3- Write down 5 things you have done well or that you love and admire about yourself.

4- Write down 5 lessons you have taught your children (if you are a parent) or that you have taught others.

Unmet expectations can cause us a great deal of pain and keep you stuck. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Mourn the loss of the life you had imagined. Then, look at the good that you can take from your experiences, and choose to live your best life.

Happy Mother's Day!

Pamela