"Don't get too excited honey, just try to speak slower."
I replied: "I am not excited"
Mom: "Your speech is good, it just happens when you get too excited"
I couldn't explain it to her.
Years past, I became a young 18 years old guy, but similar feedback were still there.
They think we block and stutter because we get "too excited".
But you and me both know that it doesn't happen because we get "too excited". The inner panic starts to happen even before we start to speak.
Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar?
You are in class. It's the first day of school. New teacher walked into the room. It's time for everyone to stand up and introduce themselves. One by one...
You start counting and trying to figure out when it'll be your turn to speak.
You feel sick in your stomach! Negative thoughts all over. Thoughts like...
I always stuttered on my name...
What if I stutter in front of my classmates?
What if they laugh and make fun of me?
What if I get a block on my name?
What if they don't like me?
What if the teacher doesn't understand me?
What if what if...
Stress, fear, panic...written all over my body.
What am I going to do?!
...then your turn comes.
Panic level increases...
As a result, you hold back when speaking. Everything you played in your mind a few minutes ago just happened; you blocked. You go through physical struggle, but more importantly you started to feel like a LOSER.
So, here is how that works:
First FEAR of stuttering creeps in, then you try tricks in PANIC to avoid stuttering, then you BLOCK and the next thing you know you are surrounded and controlled by NEGATIVE EMOTIONS such as guilt, self hate, shame, frustration, etc.
Does that sound familiar? If so, then keep reading...
If you analyse your stuttering and think about it in a deeper way, you'll realize that our negative thoughts and as a result our panic&stress mode triggers our stuttering behavior(not all the time, but most of the time).
There is no way for us to speak the way we'd like to speak when our panic&stress level is that high.
It just puts us into trance mode and our body follows our negative thoughts....and blocks.
If we are in panic mode, there is no way out for us; we hold back and as a result we block.
One of my mentors(John Harrison) who I learned a lot from during my stuttering dissolution journey calls this "divided intentions".
One side of us wants to speak and communicate what we have inside, but the other side of us wants not to speak so we don't get a block, therefore we don't go through the negative emotions.
As a result, 2 forces pulls from different directions and... kaboom stuttering happens.
Again, first I heard this concept from John Harrison. He explained it with a horse metaphor.
He says stuttering is a result of holding back due to divided intentions. Think of it like this;
Your horse broke his leg. You know that when that happens you're supposed to shot and kill the horse for his benefit. It's one of the most painful decisions of your life. You point your gun to him when he's lying on the floor. Your logical side tells you to pull the trigger. But your emotional side tells you not to kill your horse which you love.
Are you pulling the trigger?
Yes? No? You don't know?
You are hesitant, right?
That's exactly what stuttering is like. You hesitate. You go back and forth between intentions and as a result you HOLD BACK and block.
Sooo, if that is the case, then what do we need to do?
We need to start by managing stress&panic, maybe?
If you can do that, do you think you can speak a lot easier (and better)?
Probably yes, right?
But the question is;
How can we do that? Panic and stress is something that takes control of us and we just get stuck with it no matter what we do.
Well, not really... if you know how to manage it in a successful way.
So let me share a strategy with you on how to do that... so you can minimize your stress&panic level and be able to speak a lot easier.
What is the strategy?
Ready?
One word...
FOCUS!
Yes, the best way to eliminate fear, stress and panic is to focus on something else other than those negative thoughts.
Think about soccer players before a game... or athletes before a competition. Their stress is high before the game, right?
But the minute the game or the race starts, there is no stress or panic on those people.
Why?
Because as soon as the whistle goes, they have something else to extensively focus on; their game, their skills, their tactic and the result they want; goals and a win.
They purely focus on that, therefore there is no place for negative thoughts(therefore stress&panic) while playing the game.
...and that's what we need to do with our speech as well. We need to focus on things(and thoughts) other than negative thoughts around our stuttering behavior.
No more what if's, no more I think I'll block again, no more I can't do this...
You just need to choose one thing and FOCUS on that extensively before and while you speak.
So what can you focus on?
Let me give you a few ideas:
You can focus on;
* your speaking technique
* emptying your mind
* what would you speak like if you were X(insert someone who you consider a role model)
Let me give you an example for each on of those.
Focusing on your speaking technique:
I used to use this a lot. I knew that if I used my speaking technique well, I was going to be able to speak well.
So, I focused on the good use of my speaking technique every time I speak. In fact I was choosing a focal point to multiply my focus. Lets say I was on the phone; I was choosing a point in front of me as my focal point. If I speak to a person face to face I was using their eyes or eyebrows as my focal point.
When you do that you can focus on the use of your technique only and get rid of all those negative thoughts which don't serve you or your speech anyways.
Emptying your mind:
This is more of an example of an NLP technique. If you are using what I call "mental speaking techniques" then emptying your mind and getting in the "peace" mode would get rid of all those negative thoughts triggering your stuttering behavior. That by itself is a way to focus, because you are focusing on emptying your mind.
What would you speak like if you were X(insert someone who you consider a role model):
This is one of the focus strategies I was using as well. You simply put yourself in the shoes of a person you admire(role model) and you kind of "role play" that conversation.
I am not saying you'll speak like someone else. All I am saying is; when you put yourself in that charismatic person's shoes, you start to THINK and ACT like him...which I bet is not driven by fear, stress or panic;)
Choose one of these 3 and try to use it the next time you speak.
Yes, you might not be able to do it on the first time, but if you work on it a bit, you'll see that you can get rid off your negative thoughts causing you panic&stress just by FOCUSING on something else.
Hope you find this "change of focus" strategy helpful.
All the best,
Chazzler
P.S:
