***
It was a rainy Saturday night.
I was at this nice place(bar) with a few friends enjoying the weekend.
You know what single men usually look for at a bar on a Saturday night...ehm ehm...
But that night ended up a bit different for me.
We were all having fun meeting and chatting with girls at the bar.
Then I went to the other side of the bar to buy a drink.
I called the bartender and ordered my drink - a cocktail. Yeah, I don't drink alcohol that much.
Bartender: "Give me 5 minutes and I'll prepare your drink sir".
I kindly said:
"No problem, take your time. It's going to be a long night anyway."
While waiting for my drink, I looked around and my eye caught this guy sitting on the seat right by me.
He turned his head and looked at me in the eye... with bloodshot eyes!
He looked exhausted. Red eyes, wet face, wet hair.
I could tell he was sad... but angry too.
***
Did I say something wrong that pissed this guy off?
I didn't know how to react back, so I raised my eyebrow and just said:
"Hi"...with a bit of nervousness.
He giggled and said:
"You are right, it's going to be a long night. I wish it never ends!?"
Again, I still have no idea what this guy is talking about.
But I had to wait for my drink so I kept the conversation on.
"What are you drinking?" I asked in a friendly way.
He answered:
"You see this bottle? This is my 2nd bottle." - showing me half empty whiskey bottle.
Me: "Wow man. Isn't that a bit too much for you. You are gonna get drunk soon!" - like he wasn't already :)
He smiled (in a nervous way) but didn't say anything.
I then asked: "What's your name?"
He replied: "Alex!" and mumble something like "look at me, I can say my name, f..k it!"
I had no idea what was going on so I wanted to make a joke - not a good one :)
..and asked "are you drunk?"
His face suddenly changed.
And he shouted with frustration and anger:
"Yes I am f..ing drunk, because that's how I forget about my damn speech and stuttering! You can never understand me! Now, just leave me alone!"
I didn't know what to say, but I heard the word "stuttering".
That drunk guy there was just a previous version of me. We had something in common
STUTTERING!
ı couldn't just leave. I wanted to help.
I sit next to him and whispered:
"But I didn't see you stutter so far".
He said:
"Because I don't stutter when I am drunk! You know what man, just leave me alone! How would I expect you to understand this! You are one of those lucky people who can speak easily."
Me: I wouldn't judge too early.
Alex: Whatever.
Me: Can I try?
Alex: Try what?
Me: Try to understand where you are coming from...
Alex: Good luck with that.
Me: Let me try.
You want to speak fluently, freely and confidently...but you can't because you block on some words and have really hard time in some specific situations.
This frustrates you. You question why, but can't find an answer. You tried a bunch of things to stop stuttering but none worked permanently.
Stuttering makes you feel worried, stressed, ashamed, weak and less than others.
But you know you deserve better!
You know that IF YOU COULD speak without blocks(smoothly, freely and confidently), you could ACHIEVE a lot more in life.
Your choices would change.
Your decisions would change.
Your relationships would change.
Your career would change.
Your social circle(people you hang out with) would change.
How people perceive you would change.
EVERYTHING in your life would change.
And at the bottom of my heart I believe every PWS(person who stutters) DESERVES all those.
***
Alex listened me with wide open eyes. He looked shocked.
Alex: How the f..k you know all these so well?
Me: Because I am a stutterer too.
Alex: But but but... you don't seem like you have a problem with your speech?!
Me: I used to. I just was able to improve it to a point now that I only get slight hesitations(not even blocks) 2-3 times a month.
Alex: A month? and that's all?
Me: Yeah. I don't count them actually, because my slight blocks does not define me anymore. I don't let them ruin my self-worth and confidence. I can speak great(not perfect maybe), I feel great. And that's all that matters!
Alex: Can you teach me how I can do that too?
Me: That's why I am here speaking to a drunk guy when the bar is full of beautiful girls Alex:)
I can help you... if and only if you want me to. Because I can't help you(or anyone) if you don't want to be helped.
Alex: Who are you? Is this real or am I just drunk?
Me: Well... maybe both.
Alex: So how do I do it?
Me: In order to overcome stuttering and remove the obstacle of stuttering out of your way so you live a fully expressive, confident and successful life;
...you need to fully understand and win what I call the "mysterious game of stuttering".
And that's only possible when you work on your mindset (inner game of stuttering) as well as your speaking techniques(outer game of stuttering).
Alex: Very interesting. I wanna do this.
Me: First lets get you sober and we'll discuss about the rest tomorrow. I'll give you my number and you can call me anytime. It's always better to make decisions when one is sober:)
and I continued:
Leave your car here and let me give you a ride to home. Don't drive like this.
Alex: I walked here anyways. I felt so bad about my speech that I walked all the way when it was raining. That's why I am still wet:) (first time Alex smiled from heart!)
Me: That's OK, sometimes we all like to blame ourselves for everything that happens in our life and try to "punish" ourselves.
You can change things around if you put your mind and heart into it... just like others' success stories!
***
***
Fast forward to today...
- Alex works as a manager in a big company. In fact, he just got promoted.
- He has a happy family - beautiful wife and 2 kids.
- Overcame his stuttering and are able to speak the way he wants to speak in any situation to anyone!
- He can express himself freely.
- He feels confident and happy.
- and he stills gets drunk... just for fun though - not to forget about his stuttering :)
Alex says that night CHANGED his life.
..and I am proud of him.
Because even though the opportunity was there, he could have just let that chance go and keep things the same in his life.
Sometimes, we are just ONE DECISION AWAY from not only changing our speech but changing our whole life.
***
Hope you find this story inspiring, Friend.
See? you are not alone! As people who have a stuttering challenge in life, most of us go through similar struggles and feelings.
It's about answering one single question:
"Will you do something to CHANGE things for BETTER or will you keep making excuses, blaming everything and punishing yourself?"
There is a different future out there waiting for you, Friend.
But it's YOUR life, so it is YOUR decision.
All the best,
Chazzler
