Let’s start out slowly. Here are seven things that you can do to start becoming a better listener right now. Pick a few of them and write them in your action plan.
1. When you’re listening, listen. Don’t talk on the phone, text message, clean off your desk, or do anything else.
2. Avoid interruptions. If you think of something that needs to be done, make a mental or written note of it and forget about it until the conversation is over.
3. Aim to spend at least 90% of your time listening and less than 10% of your time talking.
4. When you do talk, make sure it’s related to what the other person is saying. Questions to clarify expand, and probe for more information will be key tools.
5. Do not offer advice unless the other person asks you for it. If you are not sure what they want, ask!
6. Make sure the physical environment is conducive to listening. Try to reduce noise and distractions. (“Would you mind stepping into my office where I can hear you better?” is a great line to use.) If possible, be seated comfortably. Be close enough to the person so that you can hear them, but not too close to make them uncomfortable. 7. If it is a conversation where you are required to take notes, try not to let the note-taking disturb the flow of the conversation. If you need a moment to catch up, choose an appropriate moment to ask for a break.
If you want to be a good conversationalist, be a good listener. To be interesting, be interested. - Dale Carnegie
Although hearing is a passive activity, one must listen actively to listen effectively, and to actually hear what is being said.
There are three basic steps to actively listening.
1. Try to identify where the other person is coming from. This concept is also called the frame of reference. For example, your reaction to a bear will be very different if you’re viewing it in a zoo, or from your tent at a campsite. Your approach to someone talking about a sick relative will differ depending on their relationship with that person.
2. Listen to what is being said closely and attentively.
3. Respond appropriately, either non-verbally (such as a nod to indicate you are listening), with a question (to ask for clarification), or by paraphrasing. Note that paraphrasing does not mean repeating the speaker’s words back to them like a parrot. It does mean repeating what you think the speaker said in your own words. Some examples: “It sounds like that made you angry,” or, “It sounds like that cashier wasn’t very nice to you.” (Using the “It sounds like…” precursor, or something similar, gives the speaker the opportunity to correct you if your interpretation is wrong.”
In the meantime, please let me know if I can be of any assistance going forward and check out our upcoming events below.
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