Hi Friend,
What I want to chat about today is the guilt we so often feel as parents when we do something we see as the ‘wrong’ thing to do and then we ‘beat ourselves up’ for it mentally and emotionally.
I’m not talking about things that are intentionally harmful or done without considering the child’s wishes. What I’m talking about are things that were probably minor accidents or things we did with the belief they were better for our kids’ greater wellbeing.
Some examples could be:
- Moving your child schools when they don’t want to
- Losing your child’s hand when helping them walk and they fall and graze their knee or head
- 'Snapping’ at your child and making them cry just because you have lost your patience
- Arguing with your partner in front of your child
The thing is...
I know I’m not alone in feeling terrible when things like this happen because I have heard so many other examples from family and friends.
And I also know it is completely normal to feel bad because we are only human and it only proves you care because you wouldn’t feel guilty if you didn’t.
The thing is…
What worries me MOST is if my kids will be left with any emotional trauma when they are older (probably because of my own experiences and from seeing so many people come through the practice).
The fact is...
These things may or may not stick with our kids long term... but there are definite strategies and skills you can use to reduce their impact, promote your kids’ resilience, and ensure they can work through their mental and emotional struggles too. The thing I’ve found most useful so far is practising good communication techniques. More specifically: - having open conversations
- being ‘available’ to chat when needed and
- being empathetic
I wasn’t born with these skills. I learned them. And interestingly, I’d like to give some credit to my mum for giving me the basis of my abilities in this area. You see... My mum has always been very open in her conversations (although maybe a little too open at times). And she’s always been willing to listen if I needed it. So, thanks mum.
And over the years I have been able to develop better skills and improved my abilities significantly through lots of research, positive role models and a whole lot of personal development.
The best thing is...
Just knowing I have these skills allows me to squash feelings of being a ‘hopeless parent’ so much quicker these days. Thank goodness for that!
If you have ever given yourself a mental or emotional beating, please remember it’s okay to make mistakes. And it’s okay to let your child experience the hardship of change sometimes. After all, they will face difficulties and challenges at some point. Your job is simply to be there to support them with the best you can right now.
May you have a ‘guilt-free’ week.
Warm regards,
Monique Everton
Mum, Wife and Registered Nurse
On Track Parenting
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