There are two things I've really been struggling with:
- control
- and asking for help
I'm a control freak by nature. Having to establish a new routine, living in close quarters, TV on more than I'm used to, a lack of accurate/credible information and trying to work exclusively from home have been challenging and sometimes downright nerve wracking.
Asking for help is not easy for me either. I think it's why I'm drawn to my chosen profession — it allows me to help others and gives me a sense of purpose. But that has left me inadequately equipped to ask others for help.
Today I had to call my dental insurance company to ask if I can defer my monthly payment. I wasn't sure what the response would be so it made me uncomfortable to even ask. But it was the #1 thing on my to-do list today and since I've been trying to develop a routine of doing my tasks in order of importance, I called and asked my question.
I got the answer I was looking for, but what took me by surprise was how I felt after I hung up: I was emotional and felt like crying.
So what I'm learning — about myself and our current circumstances is — there will be tough days. And I need to be okay with that. There will be times when I need to ask for help. And I need to be okay with that. There will also be days when I get the answers I'm looking for and days when I won't. And I need to be okay with that too. Because to ignore or suppress feelings that don't feel good is to ignore our basic human nature.
I know the slow down is allowing me the time to process strong emotions. Time I normally wouldn't have to figure things out instead of forging ahead. I guess there's always a silver lining if we look for it.
Wishing you peace, hope and health,
