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"Do NOT use a Jackhammer to pull out a splinter."
This video is focused on the concept of NVC (Non-Violent Communication).
In a conversation today speaking with a therapist that I supervise, I heard about a family who was experiencing conflict in their communication with one another. The tragedy was that although their love for each other was clearly present, their style of communication when someone in the family felt hurt led to a greater feeling of hurt and sense of injustice.
The idea is that if there is a concern, a need to express one's needs, to be seen and heard, this must occur in an environment where there is an agreement that the practice of safe and honest communication is embraced by all. Otherwise, it can simply lead to a situation where the “injured” party is trying to express their feelings, needs, concerns in an environment where there is no such agreement leading to an increased feeling of isolation, and added injury.
Simply encouraging people to share with others when there is no agreement in the relationship space to listen, reflect and willingly participate in honest, safe communication can actually result in a worsening of the circumstance. In fact, we can see this repeatedly in Family dynamics, work place interactions and global affairs.
So it is important to inform yourself prior to beginning the dialogue and ensure that everyone is willing to try to honor the game plan for NVC.
Otherwise, we may end up using a Jackhammer to remove a splinter!
NVC Learning Challenge! Feeling Heard and Understood
The simplest NVC exercise and one I developed years ago follows below. I have used this in groups, with couples, families, organizations. The steps are pretty straightforward and I have prepared a PDF that you can access for your own use.
LINK TO THE PDF: https://whatisptsd.com/non-violence/
Season 4 Episode 12 |
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