Ever notice you react powerfully to low level events or interactions? Do you recognize afterwards that your strong reaction did not seem to match to situation?
Well, this is likely a "shadow" at play within you.
I recently had an interaction with a woman who seemed extremely angry when I mentioned a preference for natural fabrics. She was wearing some synthetic athletic gear during our conversation. It seemed that my comment was hurtful to her even though it was not intended to be and certainly not a representation of my feelings towards her as a person. I just blundered into a place where she felt bad. My comment left her feeling personally attacked and embarrassed. I wasn't imposing my preferences on her but her anger seemed so strong that I could see she was distressed. Since I knew her personally, I could engage a conversation about what was going on. She reflected on her own inner feelings of shame and humiliation and a sense that she did not fit in or belong anywhere on a very deep level.
Wow! All of this because I had an everyday preference for natural fabrics in my clothing choices.
So what exactly is this shadow and why should you care? The term "shadow" was first used by Carl G. Jung to describe the repressed or denied part of the Self.
In Robert Bly's book, "A Little Book on the Human Shadow", he explains that we drag around repressed or shut-down parts of ourselves that we feel are not accepted or too dangerous to express when younger. So, as adults, we spend a lot of energy editing or censoring ourselves, until something feels too intense and we just blow up or spill over, leaving us feeling out of control.
Maybe you were ridiculed or shamed, or blamed as a young person, so you cut-off parts of yourself in order to survive your surroundings. Now, as an adult, you actually need these sliced-off parts but you don't know how to express yourself without feeling fear, embarrassment, etc. Silenced and shut-down, you use vital energy to keep a lid on your true self because it feels safer.
The goal is to find a safe place, person or approach to begin to recognize your own cut-off parts and learn to allow honest expression to come forward before it explodes leaving you feel out of control.
A good place to start?
1. Notice the last time you lost your temper or behaved in a way that just felt off.
2. Deeply sit with that memory in a gentle way accepting what was leading to that reaction
3. Ask yourself what was at the core of your strong feelings? What left you feeling so vulnerable and how old this feelings is inside of you. In other words, when was the first time you can recall feeling like this?
4. Finally, with great gentleness and appreciation, thank your younger self for trying to keep you safe by holding this pain all these years.
Give it a try.
Season 4 Episode 15 |
