EDITOR'S NOTE:
Joe was deeply afflicted by abuse at the hands of a priest at a young age. For many years, the brokenness profoundly impacted his marriage and family. In Jesus Christ, death is not the final word. We can't begin to convey the powerful testimony to the healing, transforming, resurrection power of Jesus Christ alive in Joe & Sue's ever-greater surrender, now reverberating throughout generations. God wants to do this right now. To hear Joe's and other short, impactful audio testimonials, go here. For an archive of all weekly "God With Us" stories, go here. To be united in a movement of personal, marriage, family and cultural transformation, go here.
Here I am, 68 years old and still dealing with something that happened in my earlier teens. I was sexually molested by our parish priest. This priest was a family friend. My dad played the organ for masses on Saturday and Sunday. I was an alter boy, as were my brothers. Also a proclaimer of the word. A very young one for that time. I was always close to Christ.
So, I know what you are thinking, why didn’t I tell someone? My mom, dad or brothers? I don’t know that answer. I was very naïve. Not even sure what was going on.
As a way of coping, I began self-medicating, drinking and smoking, at an early age of 15 or 16. At 17 I got a job in the commercial flooring business. At 22 I got married to my life love, Sue. We had 4 children. I was still self-medicating and couldn’t stop.
Also, for some reason I hated answering the phone. I was afraid of confrontation with anyone about anything. Afraid to stand up for my children in whatever was happening to them. What is wrong with me? I couldn’t give myself to anyone, including my wife. I would always find some project to take me away from my family. To be by myself. I would tell Sue that she would probably never really ever get to know who I was. How she stayed with me all this time, I will never know.
We were very active in our Catholic Church. The kids all went to Catholic grade school. I was a proclaimer of the word. Both of us were and still are Eucharistic ministers. Sue was president of the Parent School Association and involved with other committees. We had a lot of friends, people doing the same things that we were doing. We went to a lot of parties, self-medicating more! I still couldn’t figure things out. Everything should be going great, right?
At age 40 there was an article in the newspaper that described symptoms or qualities of someone who has been sexually abused. All these things were me. A lightbulb went off in my head. I had totally blanked out everything that had happened to me when I was young. I told my younger brother and a friend from grade school about what had happened. My brother was very angry and so was I. My friend bought me a book on how to deal with this and encouraged me to go talk with the bishop about what happened. I didn’t do it at that time.
By this time, by the grace of God, I was able to quit drinking and quit smoking, not at the same time, but one thing at a time. I’ve always felt like Jesus was walking parallel or along beside me my whole life. I could not have done this without him.
20 years go by. Life goes on. I finally get the courage to go to the chancery office and talk with the Vicar general. He was in charge of any allegations of sexual misconduct of priests in the diocese. I was informed that this particular priest had died, and that if I needed therapy or anything, to go ahead and do this and that they would pay for it. It didn’t seem to me at the time that he was very sympathetic towards me. O well.
So I went to my parish and talked with the pastoral associate who dealt with this sort of thing. I did what he suggested over a period of time. I thought I was healed. I had forgiven the priest and asked God’s forgiveness on his soul. I have asked my children for forgiveness for not protecting them and not being there for them. This pastoral associate didn’t seem to think this had really affected me that much. Maybe he was right?
In 2018 a bombshell hit the Catholic Church. In Pittsburgh thousands of incidences of sexual abuse since 1947 were brought to light. Priests have been indicted. I am from Indiana. Our bishop was called back to Pittsburgh. He was the bishop of that diocese when a specific incident was being investigated. He was cleared of any wrong doing. He had actually turned over the priest to the authorities for his wrong doing.
All this time I thought I was OK. But that week my Crohn's Disease started acting up and all those memories started coming back. I didn’t really realize how much I screwed up my children’s lives and my wife’s life by not really dealing with this. I felt like I was frozen mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t go forward. I couldn’t go backwards. I was just suck in neutral.
Then, after attending Family Emmaus sponsored by Mass Impact this past year, I was challenged to begin praying with my wife. Not just rote prayer, but deep meaningful prayer. I was finally starting to let my wife in my heart. It has been transforming in my marriage. It has helped my wife start to surrender the lead and letting me become the spiritual leader of our home. This prayer time has opened my eyes and my heart not only to my wife, but to my children’s also. I have realized that this has impacted them also. Since then I have had the opportunity to speak with each one individually and ask for their forgiveness.
Now I am challenged to forgive myself. I feel like God is providing the steps for this to happen. Doing the Live IT Gathering with my wife, children and grandchildren has deepened my relationships with my wife and my children, and I can’t thank God enough for that. I now am looking forward to and even deeper journey in my faith. I don’t want to be a hermit anymore. I want to be part of my family.
I hope that anyone who is in a similar situation can learn from what I have confided to you and do what you need to do to get yourself better.
May God bless and keep you!
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.... You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God....Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel: I am the Lord your God and there is no other. My people shall never be put to shame." Joel 2:25-27 |
