Subject: Please Help IHF Fulfill Our Mission: Restoring Hope in the Hurting Home

December 29, 2021
There's Still Time to Give a Tax-Deductible Donation to Help IHF Fulfill Our Mission:   Restoring Hope in the Hurting Home 

Impossible to Ban: Family, Faith, and Love Continues Despite Political Agendas

Just last week I was in the “kiss and go” line, waiting to pick up my elementary-aged children from their school, when I received a phone call from an unknown caller in New York. While I don’t usually answer unidentified callers, something told me to take the call, even though I was about to welcome an SUV-load of kids in three minutes! Interestingly enough, it was a reporter from USA Today, wanting me to comment on a story that would be published a couple of days later. The title of the article: Impossible to ban: Conversion therapy for LGBTQ Americans continues despite legislative efforts.” 
 
Progressing through the “kiss and go” line, I nodded my head to the school’s principal as he helped my kids into the vehicle, all the while talking to the reporter whose deadline was in two hours! As my kids shuffled in, I explained to the reporter that “conversion therapy” doesn’t really exist, and how the Institute for Healthy Families (IHF) promotes healthy relationships, emotional healing, parent-child connection, and family bonding for young people struggling with sexual and gender identity. Focusing on healthy relationships, I explained to the reporter, prevents harm and promotes healing while keeping families together as they learn how to love the right way! This is the core of our work!
 
While the interview lasted only ten minutes, the reporter seemed genuinely surprised with what I had to say. He remarked in a rather shocked tone: “I have never heard anyone take the perspective (on ‘conversion therapy’) that you have described (in your work)!” One of my quotes in his story explains how IHF works ethically and sensitively to help families, and their teenage children, that are struggling with sexual and gender identity.
 
 
In 2019, I published The War on Psychotherapy: When Sexual Politics, Gender Identity, and Mental Health Collide. In the 400-page book, I describe exactly how political activists have deceived the general public (and many political bodies) to brand any effort to help individuals with unwanted sexual and gender identity conflicts as harmful “conversion therapy.” Yet, when you dig a little deeper into the stories of those who claim to have been harmed, the vast majority of these individuals have never actually received any licensed counseling. . . and this recent USA Today article confirms this! The “conversion therapy survivor,” a transgender Jew, never received any therapy! Instead, he claims that his family and religious community “ostracized and demonized people like him.”   
Parent Education and Family Healing is the Key! While political activists continue their efforts to ban so-called “conversion therapy” in cities and states across the United States, IHF is standing strong in our efforts to heal one family at a time and fulfill our mission: Restoring Hope in the Hurting Home. We know it is impossible to ban family, faith, and love! That is why the focus of our work remains on parent education and family therapy as the driving force to healing. I always tell parents when they come to me with a desire for their child to change his sexual orientation or gender identity: “If you want your child to change YOU must first change. You need to change the culture of your family!” In order to accomplish this, IHF continues to offer a year-long online class that helps empower parents by teaching them valuable skills to foster strong relationships within the family, such as unconditional love and healthy boundaries. 
Changing the Culture of Your Family Means Walking in your Child’s Shoes. After a year where the pandemic forced us all to stay home, dozens of moms and dads traveled to rural Maryland this Autumn for our annual Key to Your Child’s Heart retreats for mothers and fathers of LGBT-identified children. One of the powerful exercises we have mothers participate in is to have them literally walk in the shoes of their child to understand what it is like to struggle with same-sex attractions or gender identity conflicts. As mom’s tearfully walk with each other on a journey of empathy, we ask them to put on heavy coats, scarves, gloves, and oversized-shoes to simulate what it must have been like for their son or daughter to awkwardly negotiate confusing homosexual feelings! Similarly, fathers are challenged to gain valuable skills to emotionally join their child, validate their feelings, and become a safe place in order to form a healthy attachment. Both mothers and fathers leave the retreat with concrete, practical tools to regain influence and rebuild a relationship with their struggling child.

Please partner with IHF to help fulfill our mission: Restoring Hope in the Hurting Home! This year, we were excited to resume all of our in-person retreats! But many of our clients and families cannot afford the full registration fee to attend. This Summer, twenty men attended our Break-Free Your Inner Child healing retreat in New Jersey, and thanks to your generous donations, we were able to provide seventy-five percent of the men with a partial scholarship! We were also blessed to give many partial scholarships to mothers and fathers who attended our Key to Your Child’s Heartretreats in Maryland this Autumn! In 2022, we hope to be able to provide even more scholarships for men, moms, and dads to attend our healing retreats. But we can’t do it without your generous support!

The work of IHF can only expand with your partnership! Please help us Restore Hope in the Hurting Home by giving a generous, tax-deductible donation.

Thank you for partnering with us, and may God bless you and your family!

Sincerely, 

Christopher Doyle, MA, LPC
Executive Director & Licensed Professional Counselor
Institute for Healthy Families
Institute for Healthy Families in the News!

'Impossible to ban': Conversion therapy for LGBTQ Americans continues despite legislative efforts 

Efforts to protect LGBTQ Americans from conversion therapy have been underway in the U.S. for nearly a decade but resistance to bans could be growing

When Julian Klein was growing up in Ocean Township, N.J., as a member of a family that attended synagogue on a regular basis, questions about his identity were constant.

Klein, a 31-year-old transgender man who uses he/him pronouns, said he has had to “come out” twice in his life: First, at 17 years old, as a female-identifying person attracted to women, and then, at 22 years old, as a trans man.

For Klein, who grew up attending classes three days a week at his local synagogue, the initial reaction from his religious family was "a very negative experience."

The notion that one could purge "sinful thoughts" through intense religious exercise was never far from Klein's mind. 

"You try to 'conversion therapy' yourself," Klein said, as he recollected memories of feeling “guilty, broken and wrong” while being part of a religion religious community that “ostracized and demonized” people like him.

Conversion therapy — any attempt to change a person's sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression — was already on the radar of advocates who wanted to protect LGBTQ youths by the time Klein came out in 2013. California enacted the first law to protect residents from the practice in 2012, and since then, 18 other states and more than 100 local governments around the country have taken similar measures. 

But nearly a decade later, the practice persists thanks to loopholes that allow religious groups to continue conversion therapy and a belief among some therapists that the issue has become politicized. 

Family acceptance vs. Free speech

To many advocates, the practice still represents a threat in the life of many Americans who battle with gender identity and sexual orientation issues — especially LGBTQ youth.

“Family acceptance is what we should strive for moving forward. We want LGBTQ kids to grow with their families and stay together,” said Mathew Shurka, co-founder of "Born Perfect," a program dedicated to ending the practice through legislation and litigation. 

“We want parents to love their kids, we want political leaders and religious leaders to embrace that, but it is all being jeopardized by anti-trans bills.”

Nearly 700,000 LGBTQ adults in the United States have received or experienced conversion therapy, and 350,000 of them received it as adolescents, according to The Williams Institute School of Law at UCLA.

That number could continue to grow. 

Last year, a federal appeals court, with a district that encompasses Alabama, Georgia and Florida, issued a ruling based on First Amendment grounds that barred an injunction against conversion therapy.

"People have intense moral, religious, and spiritual views about these matters — on all sides. And that is exactly why the First Amendment does not allow communities to determine how their neighbors may be counseled about matters of sexual orientation or gender," the majority of Eleventh Circuit Court judges wrote in the decision.

More than 10% of the LGBTQ population lives in states in with a preliminary injunction currently preventing enforcement of laws protecting residents from conversion therapy, according to the Movement Advancement Project, with at least five federal lawsuits challenging the laws. 

Bills make conversion therapy 'impossible to ban'

As always, geography is a defining factor in the fight: A federal judge in Washington state recently rejected an attempt by a family counselor to block the state's law prohibiting conversion therapy on minors.

"The biggest issue is not only that conversion therapy is not banned completely, but the large increase of prevention bills popping up all over the country," Shurka said. 

"Some of these bills aim to make it impossible to ban conversion therapy in some states," he said. 

Christopher Doyle, a licensed psychotherapist and executive director of the Institute for Healthy Families, a nonprofit Judeo-Christian therapeutic organization in Manassas, Virginia, says he does not support a ban on the therapeutic method.

If the case involves a minor, Doyle says that through his work, he "deals with families and children to improve their relationship and reduce chances of harm" and that "it is up to every therapist to balance out their approaches to serve their patients better and uphold the 'do no harm' principles."

“There is great hypocrisy,” Doyle says of activists that support a conversion therapy ban. He believes “the issue is about a political agenda for them based on their political motivation.” 

Harm is the prevailing concern for LGBTQ advocates. A global study from the UN Human Rights Council that included responses from 8,000 people across 100 countries showed 98% of people who have undergone conversion therapy suffered damage that included suicidal thoughts, physical harm, depression, anxiety, shame, self-hatred and loss of faith. 

The responsibility to provide safety and security often falls in the hands of public officials who can enact the laws most LGBTQ people still need, said James Guay, a survivor of conversion therapy who now works as a marriage and family therapist in California. And while a nationwide ban is still not a reality, advocates think that continuous pressure will get the message across to the government.

“Making it illegal for anyone to profit off of harming others is part of the role of governments in terms of protecting its citizens from harm, malpractice, and abuse,” Guay said. Click here to read this article on USAToday.com. 

Daniel Santiago is a student at the Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism. Follow him on Twitter at @imdansantiago
Institute for Healthy Families (IHF) specializes in counseling solutions for individuals, couples, families, therapists, and ministry leaders. IHF is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit therapeutic organization located in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area. As a Judeo-Christian organization, IHF believes that the family is the foundation for healthy individuals, relationships, communities, and places of worship. While IHF is non-sectarian, we believe that God reveals His truth in both the Bible and Creation and that we can use this wisdom to help facilitate healing. IHF believes that through this synthesis of science and faith, we can help our clients form and maintain healthy families that will be able to help their children become the best versions of themselves and fulfill God’s will for their lives. For more information, visit our website at: www.InstituteforHealthyFamilies.org.
Institute for Healthy Families, P.O. Box 3223, 20108, Manassas, United States
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