Dear Friends,
Karen and Mike were full
of grief. From the look on their faces, you would have thought someone had died;
and for all intents and purposes,
that
is exactly how they felt! Four months prior, their son Keith had
embarked on his freshman year at a top Ivy League school. They were thrilled
for their son and could barely wait to hear all about Keith’s first semester
during his month-long Christmas break.
As they waited at the
airport baggage claim for their son to arrive from his flight, they could
barely contain their excitement. That is, until they spotted Keith, walking
hand-in-hand with another guy. As he came closer to where his parents
waited, Mike and Karen’s faces changed from excitement to confusion; and before
Karen could reach out to embrace her son, Keith blurted out: “Mom, Dad… I
want you to meet my boyfriend, Nick.”
Yes, you read it right. Keith
“came out” to his parents at the airport! To make matters worse, their son had invited his new boyfriend to
spend the month with him at their home. Not exactly the picturesque, “I’ll- be- home- for- Christmas
holiday time” they had envisioned.
Two days later, Karen and Mike described
the ride home with Keith and Nick as “the
most awkward 45 minutes of their lives.” As they continued to lament on the
couch across from me, I challenged them to “get in their son’s shoes” and try
to understand why Keith would “pull such a stunt,” as Mike described it.
After an afternoon of
coaching, Mike and Karen drove back home and took both boys out to dinner. As they heard Nick’s story, their heart
broke. The previous spring, Nick (now a sophomore) came out as gay to his
parents, and they gave him an ultimatum: 1) Either
go to the church and get counseling from the pastor so he would “straighten”
out; or 2) Leave
the home. Nick was devastated that his parents would only accept him if he
“changed” his sexual orientation, so he left. That meant he had nowhere
to go home for Christmas.
It was way too much to
process in the moment, and they were devastated that their son had been keeping
this secret for years, but Mike and Karen were certain of one thing. They
would not throw their son out of the house! Their feelings were
overwhelming: sadness, fear, confusion,
anger, and betrayal, just to name a few. But they prayed and began to reach
out to their faith community for support.
A few months later, Mike
and Karen recalled that first meeting we had just before Christmas and told me
how grateful they were for my help!
The “heart shift” they made towards their son and his boyfriend caused them to
look deep in their hearts to be able to love their son like never before.
Despite the challenge this brought their family, they said that it ended up being
the best Christmas their family ever experienced! Later that year,
I facilitated a family healing session, where Keith shared the pain of never
being able to emotionally connect with his father, and how much his mother hurt
him when the couple nearly divorced when he was six years old. It was a
beautiful start to some much-needed healing for the family! The family is now
closer than ever!
Everyday, I hear new
stories of parents whose children come out as gay. They contact me with the
hope of “changing” their child. However, after attending our Key to Your Child’s Heart weekends for
mothers and fathers or participate in a
family healing session, they experience a “heart shift” like Karen and Mike.
They realize that the whole family needs healed, including themselves! At the Institute for Healthy Families (IHF)
we are equipping the Judeo-Christian community to focus on healing the family!
Our mission: Restoring Hope in the
Hurting Home, is healing one
family at a time.
