We can't all go around just doing what we want, can we?
It would be the end of kindness and consideration and teamwork!
Don't we already have enough narcissists running around in our modern world?
When people hear me say that they should listen to what they want and honour their own needs, they worry what it will mean for their relationships, their family and their community.
You're not supposed to put your own needs first!
That's what we've been taught.
But funnily enough, what I've seen after doing this work for nearly three decades, is exactly the opposite.
In fact, I sometimes call my work, ‘Family Therapy with One Person’.
Why?
Because when one individual in a system begins to look after themselves better, they liberate everyone.
I’ve watched seemingly hopeless family and community situations shift when one person started to love themselves and follow their inner Truth.
This does not mean they run around doing whatever they like in complete disregard for everyone else.
You see, breaking down the valuable and supportive systems that sustain us is not self-loving.
No matter how much you dream of leaving it all behind and escaping to a beautiful island where no-one needs anything from you, when you’re following your Truth, you're not likely to really want to do those things.
The thing is:
hurting our loved ones does not bring us joy;
neglecting our children does not bring inner peace;
ignoring communal rules does not bring harmony.
So what DOES bring you all those good things?
Loving yourself by attending to your own needs.
Loving yourself is essential for the well-being of everyone in your life.
It's not selfish.
Think of yourself as a cell and your community / loved ones / family / humanity as the body.
A body is as strong as its individual cells are healthy.
Healthy cells make a strong, vibrant, thriving body.
Looking after yourself, getting strong and healthy, will help everyone you love.
Unhealthy cells create disease that can spread.
Think of the impact of an unhappy mother who doesn’t look after herself,
a miserable teacher who resents his work,
an angry boss who feels constantly under pressure...
Unhappy people can be detrimental to everyone around them.
I will say this as many times as it is needed:
Loving yourself is the least selfish thing you can do.
So go do it!
If you loved yourself, how would you attend to your needs right now?
