Sometimes the very things that help us survive childhood can hinder our ability to thrive as adults.
Survival is a strong force, especially while we are young and dependent on others.
The hard truth is that at some point in our early lives, we realize that our caretakers need us to act a certain way so they can look after us.
It’s difficult to stay alive when your caretakers aren’t coping.
So we learn to ‘behave’.
We adapt, and we start to believe that we are only loveable when we adapt.
We learn to ‘earn’ love by being whoever our family, teachers, community needs us to be.
This can set us up for seeking affirmation from others throughout our lives—but it’s not our nature.
A baby won’t put up with being touched or treated in a way that feels unpleasant.
Until she learns not to, a baby will scream until her needs are met.
By the same token, an adult who doesn’t protest when she’s poorly treated is in trouble.
Keeping quiet at those times is a one-way street to depression, anxiety, anger, addiction, illness, weight problems, road rage, divorce ...
What I want to say to you today is this:
Even though it helped you survive your childhood, it’s not self-loving or beneficial to keep looking outside for how to behave, how to feel, what to express and whether you have worth.
You don’t need to change or ‘fix’ yourself in order to be loved in the way that you need.
You don't have to 'earn' your love.
You just ARE lovable.
As you are.
Don't doubt that.
If you loved yourself, what would you say to yourself now?
