I'm talking about congruence.
What's that?
Congruence is when things match up with what we expect.
Like I promise myself I’ll do something and I actually do it.
Or I think someone should behave a certain way and they actually do.
Or a situation unfolds as I imagined it would.
It’s calming to see the world flowing the way we believe it should.
When it doesn’t, it makes us feel unsettled and out-of-control, because things aren’t congruent.
The unpredictability makes us feel unsafe and sometimes that shows up as anger and judgement,
“Why isn’t this going the way it should?”
“How could he do that?”
Incongruence in the outside world is unsettling...
But in your inside world it can be devastating!
For example, when you want to behave a certain way but you just can’t stop yourself doing something else, you feel incongruent.
It’s not how you want things to be. It’s not who you want to be.
The times you behave in ways you know aren’t true for you, can leave you feeling alone and unhappy and bad about yourself or the world.
This If I Loved Myself method is all about finding congruence between your inner self and your outside life.
Because living outside of your own Truth is extremely painful.
And you don't need to be living in that kind of pain.
We’re never at peace if what we’re doing isn’t congruent with our inner Truth.
When what we’re doing is not congruent with who we truly are, or what we truly need, we feel something is off, and sadly we often turn on ourselves in the hopes of trying to fix the problem;
I work too much,
I’m not good in bed,
I shouldn’t feel so depressed all the time,
I get too anxious,
I’m pathetic,
Why can’t I get this right?
But it's not about YOU. It's about the incongruity between you and what you are doing.
The real questions to ask are,
“Am I doing what I want to be doing,
where I want to be doing it
and with the people I want to do it?”
Start focusing on congruence and life will start to feel a whole lot better for you.
If you loved yourself, how would you create more congruence in your life now?
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