A lot of us are experiencing anxiety about the various scary things happening around the world right now.
It's hard to manage the terrifying thoughts running through our minds.
"What if this happens? What if that? How will I survive?"
We tend to have fear about how we'll cope if something really bad happens to us or the people we love.
Today I'd like to give you an important perspective on trauma - so that you know you will cope with whatever comes your way.
The River is an analogy I find helpful in processing something bad that's happened to us.
Picture a large, flowing river.
In the river, scattered here and there, are big and small boulders that stick out of the water. In some areas there seem to be more rocks than water, yet the water continues to flow.
A river flows around rocks and through difficult areas.
The flow of a river isn’t stopped by anything. Yes, it can be somewhat dammed up, but it cannot be stopped. It will flow and flow.
You are this river. You exist and you flow all the time.
When something painful or difficult happens, a boulder, or a whole lot of boulders, are placed in your life but you don’t stop being a river.
In times of trauma or shock, we have inbuilt defense systems that help us survive. One of these is to psychologically prepare to die.
If something truly awful happens and we think we might die, parts of us start to let go of life, and of ourselves, in preparation for no longer existing in our body.
These parts believe we can no longer exist in the face of this event so they leave.
Afterwards, even though we are still physically alive, those parts that accepted death can stay in a shut-down or dissociated mode.
These parts of ourselves stay stuck at the boulder in the river, staring at it and grieving for what is lost, believing they can no longer flow.
They remain that way until something happens to wake them up, or until we deliberately bring them the message that they can return to life.
While this can be a normal response to a terrible event, it’s not accurate.
The river that is the real You always continues to flow.
No boulder can stop you from flowing, no matter what.
The thing that makes a bad thing worse, is abandoning yourself in it.
Even though ‘checking out’ of being present is a normal response to trauma—it can make the experience more horrifying because then you feel alone in an awful situation.
You’re not there with you.
No matter what has happened to you, you don’t lose your right to exist, to live, to listen to your Truth, and love yourself.
When you ask the Love question—even in the direst of circumstances—it brings you closer to an internal experience of safety and love.
Because you are there with you and you care.
You feel loved.
So to review:
You don’t stop existing because something awful happened to you.
You are a river. You keep flowing.
Even in the midst of a bad event you can check in with yourself with the Love question.
In any moment, you can ask, “If I loved myself, what would I choose to do now?”
Your Truth in these hardest of moments can be as simple and surprising as at any other time.
Every moment you listen to your Truth, you validate your worth and your existence.
Every time you listen to your Truth and honor one of your needs, you love yourself back to life.
If you loved yourself, what frozen parts of yourself would you begin to allow to flow now?
Please share this email with anyone you think might find healing in it.
(This is an edited extract from my first book, If You Loved Yourself, What Would You Do Now?)
