In response to last week's letter about telling yourself some self-harming behaviour seems 'easier' because its familiar, Lisa Boonzaier wrote me a fabulous email.

I thought the concept and the description was so clear and helpful, that I asked her if I could share it with you all.

She kindly said yes (although it took some courage for her to do so, and I'd like to ask you to send her a quick silent cheer now, from your brave heart to hers - because that's how we do it in this self-love community. We cheer each other on to make these brave choices.).

Here is part of her letter.

"I think what you describe can be a trap, not of familiarity but, of not taking into account the complete "life cycle" cost of any decision of whether to love oneself.

I was recently offered an opportunity to work on a research project I contributed to more than 10 years ago. It is being expanded and I was offered the chance to be involved. I knew that if I loved myself, I would say "no thank you". But writing that email to my old colleagues and mentor was difficult.

Saying no is hard. Saying yes is easy.

It would have been much easier to say "yes". The immediate difficulty of writing that email would have disappeared. I would have successfully pleased the people I like and respect.

But, if I thought about the complete "life cycle" cost of saying yes, it became clear that doing so would be much much harder. The months of work, the late nights, the effort that lay ahead of me if I said yes - and all when I didn't even want to. 

The life cycle cost would also include the future negative self talk I would spew at myself for caving and not having been brave enough to say no (and to love myself) at the beginning.

And the negative feelings that would generate....

It became a question of (1) write the difficult email now or (2) write an easy email now AND experience pain and do a lot of work later.

I managed to say no, and the Love Question helped me do it. But saying yes, in that moment, was very tempting. 

Thank you :)"

This is what self-loving decision-making looks like in the day-to-day.

It takes such courage, doesn't it?

But it makes life SO much easier.

Really easier. Not the fake kind.

I just love this Life-Cycle Cost idea. Thank you Lisa!

Things we are about to do may seem self-loving in the moment because they feel 'easier'...

But actually they will cause us pain or hardship later...

So that's not self-loving.

And it's not easier.

I love journeying with you brave Self-Loving Decision Darers!

I am constantly enriched by your messages and comments and by knowing I get to be part of this courageous community.

So, now, the question for this week...

If you loved yourself, what life cycle cost of a familiar action would you take more seriously now?