Nera phoned me in a panic from the roadside and thankfully I picked up the phone.
She had just managed to stop herself deliberately driving off the cliff she was on.
She stopped at the last moment because she knew if she did it, she would hurt people she loved.
So she pulled over and called me instead.
When I met Nera, she was unhappy with her work situation. Two years later, at the time she called me from the roadside, she was still unhappy and still in the same job and hadn't been able to get herself to do something about it.
Each time we explored her options she ended at, “I need the money. I can’t quit.”
Over the years she had put things in place to be able to move into a more satisfying career, but as it slowly came together she continued singing the familiar song: “I know what I want but I can’t do it ...”
She always found a reason not to make the changes she longed for.
“I need a new car but I can’t really get one,” she said to me one day.
I ask why she wants a new car and she tells me how hers breaks down often and she doesn’t feel safe in it.
Then in the very next breath she says, “But I don’t have to get a new car. Lots of people don’t even have cars and at least I have one. Maybe I’m being unreasonable to want a new car.”
Nera is actually particularly good at listening to herself and knowing exactly what she wants, but when she sees her real need, her immediate response is to find reasons why she can’t have it.
The pattern of judging and doubting herself is so deeply entrenched that she judges herself for what she needs and that makes each of her Truths unobtainable. If you want something but you judge yourself for wanting it, then you're stuck.
And that stuckiness is felt as doubt. Self-doubt. "I want that, no, maybe I don't, but I think I do... oh no I can't..."
As a result, Nera lives her life feeling frustrated, stuck and terrifyingly disempowered.
No one is doing this to her – just herself.
Nera’s situation is especially painful because she is speaking her Truth. She hears her Truth, but overrides it, walking away from what she most desires.
Try make a child do that and see what reaction you get. Listen to what he wants, but make him walk away from it – I can tell you now the outcome won’t be pretty.
Do it repeatedly and you’ll have a child who gives up hope and withdraws from the world.
Honestly and truly, life is not worth living that way. For Nera, wanting to drive off the cliff was an obvious next step because it identifies what’s already happening: she’s been denying herself life for years.
When we follow anything other than what feels truest to us, we deny ourselves life.
The message is, “I don’t have the right to exist, and I’m going to take life away from myself. I’ll shut down my voice, my presence and my life energy.”
It's no way to live.
Don't doubt yourself into a living death.
I’m happy to tell you that Nera finally did make the move she needed and although it was very scary for her to take that step, it was far scarier not to.
Her life has at last become her own – and she finally feels its worth living!
If you are tired of saying no to yourself...
If you have had enough with doubting yourself to death...
This is your last chance to join
on Saturday 30th October 2021.
Registration closes tomorrow (28th)
Don't delay. Space are limited and it's a live workshop.
If you listened to yourself above all else, what would you let yourself do now?
