Let's say you ask a child what she really wants and she tells you, but you reply, “Sorry, you can’t have that. What else do you want?”
And she tells you the next thing she most wants, but you don’t let her have that either.
If you continue to ask and deny her, she'll become angry until eventually she’ll lose hope and be sad and unhappy.
Anger and depression are appropriate reactions to having our needs repeatedly denied.
That's why when you repeatedly ignore your system’s messages and turn away from your inner truth, you are very likely to experience some type of depression.
Why?
Because your system is trying to tell you what you need, and you’re ignoring it.
Your needs aren’t being met and they aren’t likely to be met, so your system begins to prepare to die.
It starts to shut down and withdraw from life. It becomes depressed.
How can it remain open and joyful if its needs are going to be ignored?
It doesn’t entirely give up hope though.
It sends many unhappy feelings to try to catch your attention.
It calls louder and louder and makes it difficult for you to focus on the outside because you feel so bad on the inside - and we call that depression usually try to medicate it away.
But it's your system calling for help.
Similarly, if your system often tells you what it needs (to rest, to be heard, to say no to that thing...) and you do the opposite, you’ll probably experience some form of anxiety.
Why?
Because your system goes into danger mode.
When you override your system’s distress calls (unsettled or fearful feelings), it starts to send out louder signals so that you’ll notice the danger and take action to save yourself.
We call that anxiety and usually try to medicate it away.
The danger in this case, is not external: it’s internal.
Your needs are not being met.
If needs are not met for a long time, the organism will die.
It actually has good reason to constantly alert you to that danger.
If you loved yourself, how would you start attending to your needs more now?
(This is from my book You Have Permission to Exist)
