Sometimes listening to yourself can feel really scary.
Your inner wisdom gives AMAZING guidance - but sometimes acting on that guidance feels daunting.
The other day I felt unsure about doing something that was the totally obvious next step for me to take.
It was the obvious thing to do but wasn't what my mind perceived as the 'right' thing to do.
So I wasn't sure if I could let myself do it.
This was the scenario:
I've been working hard to get my new book ready.
It's work I adore doing.
And I'm very pleased with how it's come out.
I'm totally in love with the book and with the cover and I can't wait to share it with you.
People have been asking me, "When is your book going to be available?" and "Is it published yet?" which is lovely, but it also adds a sense of pressure for me to get it done.
It is 95% done now.
There is just some new proofreading corrections left to do and a small adjustment on the cover.
BUT
I started feeling stressed about getting it out fast.
And I noticed I was getting annoyed at the effort required to plan the launch and do the publishing logistics and trying to rush it and just 'get it done' so that I didn't have the pressure on me anymore.
And that's when I stopped in my tracks and wailed,
"This isn't fun!"
But nothing is fun all the time, right? I mean, it's a lot of work and I have to do it if I want a book.
BUT
Everything about this book so far has been an act of love. I have enjoyed every part of it over the years of creating it and it doesn't seem right that the last part is done with pushing and rushing and irritation.
What could I do?
"If I loved myself," my answer came, "I'd let myself take more time so I can enjoy it."
And there was my dilemma.
Because who does that right?
Who just says, "Oh this isn't fun. I want to enjoy it and not rush so I'm going to take even longer than it's already taken"?
It's not usually allowed in our society.
We usually have to stick to our 'deadlines'. Otherwise there are 'consequences'.
BUT
What is the point if we're not having fun in what we do?
By 'fun' I mean deep enjoyment and a feeling of rightness in what we are doing. Even when what we are doing is hard or painful or scary - if it's our next right step it can still feel 'fun' or at least 'right for us'. It leaves us peaceful deep within.
I felt scared to allow my fun, and my feeling of 'rightness' to be that important.
To listen to myself that deeply.
Because it steps outside of the 'normal' and 'acceptable' thing to do.
It's unusual behaviour.
But for goodness sake, my new book is called, You Have Permission to Exist!
So I gave myself permission.
It took courage but I did it.
I've decided my book will be available early next year.
I'm giving myself a couple more months so that I can have fun as I prepare it for you.
I'm going to do all I can to have it available for pre-order in November/December if I can, so you can gift it to yourself or someone you love, and then you will receive your copy in January/February.
I feel relieved.
And joyful.
Joyful that I can enjoy this process fully and do it properly, and joyful that I have been heard by me.
And so excited to know that I can share it with you soon. And that it will be done the way I want it to be.
If there is something you know is your next step but you feel scared, allow yourself to feel afraid, be kind to yourself about that, and then take a deep breath, hold your own hand for courage and DO IT.
Take your next brave step.
If you loved yourself, what brave step would you allow yourself to take now?
