"I’m so pathetic!" she says to me in our therapy session one day.
"I know I shouldn't complain but I don't know how much longer I can do this.
I wake up in the morning and think 'Oh no. Not again'.
It's like I have to run an exhausting obstacle course every day. I have to get up, get my kids ready for school, make sure my man is fed and find out his schedule so we can coordinate, drive them to school, rush to work, see patients all day and help them solve their problems, rush to collect kids from school, wait in the car while they do dancing or whatever, get home tired but have to make supper, supervise homework - which is it’s own war, be nice to everyone, prepare everything for the next day and then get to bed, feel guilty that I don’t want to have sex, have a bad nights sleep and wake up to do it all over again.”
She looks at me shamefaced and then confesses, “I know I should feel grateful for all that I have... but I think I’m losing the will to live."
She drops her face into her hands as though she's too ashamed to look at me after speaking this truth and anyway, her head is just too heavy to hold up anymore...
"Well of COURSE you're losing the will to live!" I say cheerfully.
Her head whips up and she looks at me in bleary confusion, like someone startled awake after a night of hard drinking.
"What’s in it for you?" I say and shrug my shoulders, as though it’s totally obvious.
Because to me it is obvious.
Here she is running a punishing schedule that solely compromises of her running around making sure everyone else’s needs are taken care of. Not a single part of her day takes her needs and desires into account.
Why would anyone want to stay alive for that?
Of course she wants to look after her children and have a good relationship with her partner and do well at work ... and she's chosen to have that partner, the children, that job...
But none of it will be satisfying if she doesn’t check in with how SHE wants to do it.
It’s HER life, after all. She’s the one who has to live it until she dies.
"You need to design your life to suit you" I say.
Her face is a picture of confusion.
"When you wake up in the morning you are faced with a day to design. To mould to your pleasure. It's you and you.
What would I like to say to myself this morning? What do I feel like eating? How shall I get the kids ready that will be most pleasing to me? What shall I wear that makes me feel good? Which route do I feel like driving to work? Would I like to listen to music that makes me feel good on the way? What part of my work do I enjoy and want to focus on? Who at work am I looking forward to seeing? How will I take care of my needs today at work? What special thing will I say or do for myself today?’
And on and on….
You design your day around what will please you best as you do all the things you need to do. These things that you have chosen to do.
Your pleasure is an essential component of your day! It’s not something unimportant to ignore because others need to be happy.
You’re not benefiting your children or your partner when you’re so neglected and run down that you don't enjoy your life and you can’t play with the kids and don’t want to have sex with your partner.
Your life is not a chore. It's not an obligation of duty to others. It's a gift for YOU.
If your day is allowed to be about you, if you make sure everything you do is done in the way that gives YOU the most pleasure, then at the end of the day they get a mom who is happier and has energy and you are a woman and a healer who can enjoy her life and wants to be alive! It's so inspiring to be around someone like that."
We really have to stop thinking that self-care is selfish.
In my course for coaches, therapists and healthcare practitioners we learn how to include your pleasure in your daily choices. Because what’s the point if you’re helping everyone else but you don’t want to be alive?
I open registration for this life-changing course for healthcare practitioners just once a year - this year on 18th February.
If you want a taste of what it’s like and what we learn, sign up now for the free introductory training.
If you're ready to start designing your days to include your pleasure, please join.
In the free training I’ll take you through my ALLOW YOU decision-making process which at the core of everything I do.
Don’t miss this opportunity.
It’s free. No catch.
It will be available for only ten days from 18 – 28 February 2022.
Registration for the main course closes on 28 February. Don’t miss it.
Sign up for the free training here.
And please share this with any doctor, therapist, healer-person you know. You’ll be giving them an important gift.
