Even though I was raised in a Middle Eastern culture, I am terrible at bargaining.
I'm far too sensitive to the happiness of my opponent to be good at it. I care about how they feel and that’s a problem. Because to get a good deal, you need to be able to put the person's offering down. You have to pretend it's not worth the price they're asking and I just don't have it in me to make someone feel bad about their product or service.
I want people to charge what they most desire and to feel good about their wares, which makes me one of those suckers who is too uncomfortable not to pay the first price I'm told.
I don't WANT to pay that, but I feel bad for them if I don't. Which is a joke because I've been to enough souks to know that the 'special price just for me' is special because it's hiked 300% over their realistic profit margin. So the other day when I needed to get something important and expensive done, I knew I should bring a real bargainer on board. Because, on my own, I'd get suckered.
Enter left stage, my friend, The Expert Bargainer. He tells me exactly what to write in my email and explains that I must only ask for a better price AFTER they send me their first 'best' quote - which already includes a standard discount. He scoffs at me when I say, “But see? They already gave me a discount.”
So I gather my wits and write, "If there's any way you could possibly..." and when he sees it he shouts, "No! None of that 'if you could possibly' business! Write, 'This amount is shocking. It's above my budget. Please see what you can do to lower the quote’."
Tremblingly I write down what he says but before sending it, I check in with myself. Is this my truth? Would I be so abrupt and demanding? Not usually no. But I do want to learn this skill. I need it if I'm going to do business like this. I encourage myself, “If I don't ask, I won't get. And the worst that can happen is that they say no and I'll pay the original price they asked. But won't it be nice to save a chunk of money because I got a discount?”
So I decide to leave it as it stands, I add some kind words at the end to cushion the message and make it more ‘me’ and I send it off. It feels like a brave thing to do and I feel at peace with my heart.
But then I get no reply. And I wait and I wait and then, after a whole 24 hours pass, I start to sweat. “What if it was too rude? I need their services. Maybe I should write and apologise and take it all back? Maybe I should just pay the full price and pretend this never happened? What if they don't like me anymore? What if they think badly of me? It's my professional name...”
I check in with my inner guidance again. "If I loved myself, what would I choose to do now? Well, if I loved myself, I’d reassure myself that I’m not a bad person and wait to see what happens. This is a new behaviour and I wanted to try it. So I did. The worst that could happen is it won't work. But if it does work, I'll be a little braver next time. I'm doing this for me.”
So I wait. AND IT'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE! And it gets me thinking, we expect our best next choice to feel good and comfortable and easier. Because it's RIGHT for us. It's our Truth. But here I am, knowing this is right for me and feeling so stretched and nervous.
You need to know this. Sometimes, when you listen to your inner guidance, it can take you to scary new places. It's ok to feel scared or uncomfortable as you try a new behaviour that your heart guides you to try.
Even though you're uncomfortable, you'll notice that at the centre of you there is peace about your choice because you're following your inner guidance.
Even though I felt SO uncomfortable and exposed, I also felt proud of my new behaviour and curious about the outcome. My heart was quiet and it would be quiet even if the outcome was bad.
So what happened? A day and a half later I received an email saying, "I was out of the office yesterday. Please let me know if this new price will work for you?"
And BOOM.
I got my discount.
And life went on.
And now I'm a little braver.
If you loved yourself, what brave new behaviour would you try now?
