Sometimes there's something we don't like about ourselves.
Maybe a habit, a belief, a behaviour, an addiction, a body part...
OK, wait, I'm being too kind.
Sometimes there's something we SO dislike about ourselves, that it feels like no-one could EVER love us with it.
WE certainly don't love ourselves because of it.
And then one day, we have this horrible thought,
"This might never go away."
It's SO hard to accept.
So painful.
“What do you mean? I’ll work on it. I’ll change it. I don’t want it!”
But some things are not so easily vanquished.
It may change and it may not change.
So now what?
Yes, this pattern or thing causes you pain and difficulty...
But I have a question for you.
Is it a good reason to not love yourself?
I know that part of you probably believes it is.
Because it’s not ‘perfect’.
It's not like it 'should' be.
“I should be over that by now. I should be strong enough or clever enough to fix this. I should look more like that.”
Darn ‘shoulds’!
I mean, even if you don't like this belief, or thing about you because it traps you...
Or it makes you feel stressed...
Or it makes you do things that aren’t what you really want to do...
Or it makes you feel less than others...
Even if you see it as a threat to your well-being and you want it gone...
I get that…
But still I ask you,
Is it REALLY a good reason to not love yourself?
Isn't that conditional self-love?
Wouldn’t the REAL healing be to love yourself exactly as you are?
Flawed.
Imperfect.
With this belief, or behaviour, or body part?
You probably wouldn't completely reject a dear friend, or child just for having this thing, right?
Real self-love is to stay with the imperfection of you.
To accept that you have these deeply ingrained ways and beliefs, this body, these
behaviours...
That maybe make your life harder
And you wish they were gone…
But they are part of you.
They are part of your history, your upbringing, your culture, your training.
You are working hard to learn to do different
And the things that trouble you may change,
And they may not change.
These things you judge about yourself...
They are not a good reason to not love yourself.
Don't be conditional in your self-love.
Say this to yourself out loud now.
“(Name), I love you as you are. With all the things I wish were different. If they were different I wouldn’t be me. I am here to live as me. Thank you for all the choices you make. Thank you for trying so hard, even though you are already just fine as you are. I love you as you are. I am taking the pressure off. You don’t have to be anything other than you. You are loved. You are safe. You are free.”
If you loved yourself, what would you stop using as a reason to not love yourself now?
