Most of us like to know what’s coming.
Especially if what’s coming might be unpleasant or dangerous.
Very few of us can comfortably walk into a dangerous, unknown situation.
So, we try to plan.
We have schedules and calendars and book meetings and appointments in advance.
It makes us feel better to believe we are in control of things in some way.
And then Life comes along.
Blessed Life, with its discomforts and dangers and unpredictability...
You just can’t really plan for it, can you?
You psyche yourself up, arrange everything, make sure all details are accounted for and then something changes and it's all suddenly different than you expected.
Sometimes you’re prepared for the worst and its actually not so bad.
Other times, you feel strong and think it’ll be ok but it knocks you to your knees.
Or you feel ready for something but then you have to wait!
How can you possibly prepare yourself for anything?
If you're one of those people who becomes more controlling when you're anxious, take note.
That only makes things worse.
So how can you more efficiently handle the constant shifts and unexpected changes that come with being alive on earth?
Is there some trick to staying sane and still feeling you have some control over yourself and your life?
Well, yes there is.
Instead of trying to manage everything, remember that most difficulties in our lives actually come down to an internal process.
You can’t control outside events, or other people, or your body’s reactions and behaviour.
Trying to control these is a futile waste of energy.
And also very annoying to everyone around you.
But...
You can control how you respond to events and how you choose to behave.
If you believe that your wellbeing or ‘okayness’ depends on something you can’t control, like what the outcome of something is, or whether that person shows up or not, you are going to live in a constant state of anxiety.
If you say things like, “If this doesn’t happen today, I can’t relax” or, “If my outcome isn’t good, it’s a terrible disaster” you are handing your peace and happiness over to something outside of yourself.
That’s terrifying.
It means you are walking around with your feelings being determined by anything that happens to you.
It's not self-loving to hand your wellbeing over to external events like that.
It's also unnecessary and, some might argue, a false illusion.
What IS true?
Self-care, self-love, and your inner peace are yours to control.
If you feel the need to control something, control how much you affirm and reassure yourself when things are unknown, or unpredictable and you feel anxious.
Be kind to yourself.
Be a control maester, not a control freak.
Your being kind to yourself will serve everybody best when things don't turn out like you hoped.
If you loved yourself, what external thing would you stop trying to control now?
