We misunderstand feelings. Especially uncomfortable ones.
We do everything we can to get away from them, thinking something’s wrong if we feel bad but they play a very important role in our life.
Bad feelings are like the railings on the sides of a highway. The reason for those railings is that if you lose focus, you’ll bump into the railings rather than drive off the road (or into a building, or off a cliff). Railings let you know you're veering off your road, and bad feelings do the same.
When you start to feel bad it means you’ve just passed a sign that reads: Your choices are not satisfying your real needs. Trouble ahead.
Thank goodness for those railings!
The road to feeling better is paved with mindful attention to what you need.
As long as you take self-caring actions, honour what you really need and speak kindly and encouragingly to yourself, you'll feel good and aware that life is full of possibility and pleasure. When you go off that road – in other words, you doubt and criticise yourself or you don’t take the actions you need – you'll start to feel bad; anxious, resistant, depressed, angry, resentful, uncertain…
As uncomfortable as this is, these bad feelings are your very best friends!
They firmly tell you that your choices are not self-loving. They try to prevent you from careening off into a situation you don’t want to be in. Or, if you’ve already careened, they let you know it so that you can get out.
It may not seem so, but your bad feelings guide you back to love.
I once heard someone describe feelings like nerves: they respond with pain or pleasure to tell us if something is good for us or not. If you put your hand near fire, your nerves will very quickly tell you to move it away.
Yet strangely, instead of moving away when our feelings are screaming at us that this doesn't feel good, we often keep doing whatever it is we're doing and wonder what’s wrong with us that we’re feeling so bad.
Start listening to your feelings the way you instinctively listen to your nerves.
When you don’t feel good, be glad you’ve noticed and ask yourself the question, “If I loved myself, what would I choose to do now?”
The bad feeling is telling you, “This is not my Truth. It’s not meeting my needs.”
Sometimes it's whatever you’re doing or not doing that isn’t meeting your needs. But sometimes, what you’re doing is fine and the bad feeling is just telling you that the way you’re doing it isn’t fine for you. Other times the bad feeling is because you’re entertaining thoughts that are not serving you...
Don’t judge yourself negatively when you feel bad; it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It’s just a signpost.
When you feel an unpleasant feeling, stop and ask for help from your own inner wisdom.
Ask for love.
Listen and follow your inner truth’s instructions by taking your feelings seriously. Look for what will feel better and do that instead.
Tiny step by tiny step, your feelings will guide you to where your unique deeper needs and values will be satisfied and where you’ll feel good.
If you loved yourself, what would you say to yourself about your bad feelings now?
