No one is excluded from the idea of loving themselves and following their own Truth.
No matter what.
Our human world is wonderful in many ways, but it’s not fair and it’s not always kind or easy.
Some people have a much harder journey to loving themselves than others.
If things have happened in your life that make you dislike yourself, for example, or your community deems you ‘different’ in some way... Or you feel shamed just for being who you are—this can make loving yourself more challenging.
Being targeted for abuse, or the different one in your family, poor amongst the rich, dark-skinned in a light-skin-dominant culture, disabled in an abled setting, female in a male-dominated space, having a learning difficulty amongst highly literate people, or being homosexual in a homophobic environment can make you feel like you have no real right to exist.
There are myriad ways we can be treated, by ourselves and others, that do not meet our needs or affirm our worth or our lovability.
It can be very hard to love yourself when the pervasive message is: Who you are is not acceptable. You don’t fit in; you’re not good enough; you don’t have as much worth as others.
“The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.”
Steve Biko’s immortal words in “I Write What I Like”, 1978, tap into the core of this issue.
If you believe you’re not as good as others, you’ll keep yourself oppressed.
No one will need to tell you to stay in line: you’ll shame yourself into not shining your true Self.
But that’s not self-loving—or true.
It’s more difficult to respect and meet your deeper needs when you’re not shown respect in your surroundings.
Even if you know it’s not true, part of you might still wonder if you’re somehow ‘less’ and that makes it harder to love and listen to yourself.
Even though feeling uncomfortable or ashamed of things about yourself over which you have no control can weaken your self-confidence, it doesn’t mean you don’t get to honor your Truth.
We all have the right to have our needs met.
When a successful person from a marginalised group is interviewed, they often talk about the difficult circumstances they faced. Their message is frequently a version of: You are not your circumstances. Don’t let your past dictate who you are now. Don’t give other people the power to decide for you.
They’ve found ways of not allowing their minds to be oppressed.
They’ve managed to love themselves enough to listen to their Truth.
If you experience circumstances in which you are subject to prejudice, aggression or disregard, self-love might feel like something for those who ‘fit in’.
But it’s for everyone—whether society says we’re ‘ideal’ or not.
Only you know what your real deeper needs and values are.
Make it your quest to ensure your needs are met so you can thrive and shine your true Self.
We’ll all be better for it.
If you ever feel downhearted or unworthy and unloved, let your love come from the source that is You.
You have every right to do so—the world needs you to love yourself—and you’ll feel happier and more empowered.
Walk your own path of love and worth in those tough moments by asking:
If I loved myself, what would I choose to do now?
Pause now, take a breath and say something kind to yourself
(From my book If You Loved Yourself, What Would You Do Now?)
