This was the topic that we were asked to talk about at the Cape Home Educators' Winter Workshop, held in Cape Town on 7 May. We thought we'd share our thoughts with you in the next two issues of this newsletter.
Here are Shirley's six things. Wendy's will follow next month:
What I Wished I Knew About Homeschooling When I First Started
The nature of this topic, requires that instead of telling you all the things we got right and our successes, that we share with you the lessons that we learned the hard way, the mistakes, failures or struggles that we experienced or have learned to overcome.
Some mistakes are good to avoid but not all.
Some struggles are necessary. We grow in character when we are forced to find solutions to problems, to resolve conflicts, to face our fears and to find the answers we need.
This brings me to my first Thing
1. Homeschooling is not just about Academics, it’s not just about books and lessons and tests and grades. It is about building character in your family - not just your children, but especially in you, the parents.
There is a Proverb that says:
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. ~ Proverbs 27:17
If you are married, I am sure you have already experienced this sharpening as you as your spouse have rubbed each other up the wrong way. When you are homeschooling, this experience is compounded as you are with your children for so many more hours of the day than if they were in school.
Let this not put you off. Most of us have not been well-schooled in relationship-building and so as you embark on homeschooling, you are all going to develop these skills which are priceless characteristics to develop…and you don’t find them in a text book – but the people who are most successful in life, are people who have good people skills.
2. Divorce Damages Children
I'm a step-mom and I home educated my step-daughter for the first 9 years of our journey before she went back to her biological mom and returned to high school.
I wish I’d known when I started homeschooling that homeschooling a step-child in a blended family is not the same as homeschooling your own children.
I don’t know the exact statistics for divorce in SA, but its high, which means that statistically some of you have been divorced and some of you will probably get divorced.
If at all possible, rather try to work it out. Model problem-solving and forgiveness for your children if at all possible, rather than breaking up the family. Emotionally, they pay for your mistakes, if you don’t.
Clinicians report that to have a healthy self-esteem, which underpins good choices and success in life, children need to have a sense of Belonging, Worthiness and Competency. A broken home undermines at least 2 of those 3 requirements and will be difficult to restore.
3. There is No “BEST” Curriculum.
They all work. If you can’t afford an expensive curriculum, that’s also fine. I started out with a Maths and Language programme and the library for the first few years of our homeschool journey and that was just as successful as when our financial situation improved and I could afford the luxury of a top curriculum.
Don’t beat yourself up and constantly doubt the materials that you have selected when you hear about other products, PROVIDED that you are not using an ALL-in-ONE, School-at-Home package. If you are and you are feeling stressed out and seeing boredom and reluctance in your kids attitudes to learning – chuck it out and write it off as school fees. Learn from YOUR mistake and find a SOLUTION.
4. Education is not the filling of a bucket but the lighting of a fire. ~William Butler Yeats
Most of us have been conditioned to think of our children as empty buckets to be filled with knowledge and information provided in text books and curricula. We start out happily and then we hear about what Mrs X or Mrs Y is doing with her children and suddenly there aren’t enough hours in the day to cram it all into our children. We suffer from a common homeschool mom’s syndrome – The “I am not doing enough” syndrome.
So, we work out a schedule so we can get it all done and then a crisis happens and messes up our day or our whole week…but you know what…those things, those crises, ARE the LESSONS for that day or that week. They too are not found in a text book, but our children learn life skills when they see how mom or dad deals with a car that broke down, a spouse that is sick, a neighbour who needs help, an appliance that breaks or whatever it is.
You don’t have to cram your children’s minds with facts and information. You can never teach them all the wonderful stuff that other homeschoolers teach their children, but you can light the fire…and then they can learn whatever they want and they will CONSUME that subject like a fire, when they are self-motivated and passionate about something that interests them. When you have taught them the basic skills of reading, writing, maths and how to learn, your job is actually done.
5. Don’t Focus on Exams and Don’t Panic about Matric
“If the purpose of learning is to score well on a test, we’ve lost sight of the real reason for learning.” ~ Jeannie Fulbright
Homeschooling parents are almost paranoid about ensuring that their children get a good academic education. Then the questions come thick and fast about how to get a recognised matric certificate or equivalent, as if this is the magic key that will open the door to success in adulthood.
It’s a paradigm most of us have been conditioned to believe during our own schooling. Parents and teachers told us we had to have a matric or we wouldn’t amount to much.
It’s a lie.
Focus on your child’s character, teach them to solve problems, to persevere, to be diligent, to love learning and to have good people skills. Encourage them to be risk-takers, to never stop learning, even if they learn from their mistakes…and they WILL find success, they will find a place in this world.
6. Don’t Compare. Learn to Self-Evaluate in a Healthy Way
Evaluating our homeschool progress is normal.
It is the natural process of self-evaluation that a caring and responsible parent keeps going through.
As parents we are responsible and accountable for our children’s education and we should do everything we can to raise them to be wholly healthy and confident individuals – spiritually, emotionally and physically.
But unfortunately, we check up on ourselves with these “Am I…?” questions so often that it becomes torture which can sometimes undermine a parent’s self-confidence.
• Am I Doing Enough?
• Am I Depriving my Kids of …?
• Am I Organised Enough? Am I making Learning Fun Enough? etc etc.
Your questioning is proof that you have your children’s best interests at heart.
No one in the world cares as much about your children as you!
If you are doing the best you can on any given day, with your children, in YOUR circumstances, then you are doing enough. You are the only one who has your children’s long term best interests at heart and that makes you the BEST person to be in charge of their education.
POST-SCRIPT
There were a lot of interesting questions and answers and for me, the dominant theme that I noticed emerging is that new parents, feeling uncertain, are looking for a definite plan of action and the more experienced moms are telling them that there is no formula for any given outcome.
Each family has to forge their own path for each unique child.
Figuring out what is going to work best in each situation is part of the journey.
