Escaping the Homeschool Rat Race - by Wendy Young
This newsletter is based on the transcript of the live video that Wendy presented on Facebook on 4 October. View the video HERE
For most homeschoolers there comes a time when they are overwrought, run down, grumpy with everyone and basic routines at home are falling by the wayside. You feel like you live in your car, have to incessantly moan at your kids to get their work done, have no time for your hubby or self and think you are going mad.
If this is not your own situation, you probably know someone who is in it and you are not sure how to help her.
There are many different reasons why this happens but I would like to focus on a few that I have seen in my own life over the 20 years we have homeschooled.
Too much too soon – school for preschoolers isn’t necessary, play, reading, cooking, gardening, walks are needed. Our kids have a long adult life ahead of them but only one childhood.
Too many outside activities – Just because our daughter twirls around in her fancy dress clothes in the lounge at 4 or our son makes his own wooden sword, doesn’t mean we need to formalize this with ballet and woodwork lessons. Even in the older years, they don’t need to do everything on offer. See if the interest is nurtured and develops and then a year or two later decide if it fits into the whole family schedule.
Always looking, never settling – it is tempting to keep buying curriculum – I am sure any veteran homeschool mom will tell you about the shelves and boxes of books and resources never used and eventually given away. It is understandable that we will make mistakes and buy the wrong thing then need a change, but this is once or twice until we find our “home” with a program or eclectic mix. But every time we see something new we don’t need to add and add and add. Rather take your time to decide on programs in the beginning before rushing in to buy something that will become a taskmaster, rob your joy and then sit on the shelf to make you feel guilty.
Trying to keep up with a school system instead of resting in the HOMEschool - Following on from this, we need to remember our homes are not schools. We cannot keep up with, nor should we desire to, the schooling system and your children’s peers in the system. So when we buy programs that were designed for schools and large numbers of children we place an unnecessary burden on ourselves and our children. We have chosen to HOMEschool, so why would we want to enter the school rat race?
Some other issues with homeschooling and making your feel fretful and stressed in your home:
Not having the right systems in place – your children need to be your helpers in the home. They need chores, responsibility and to know they are a vital member of the team. Get them to work, have a system for chores in the home, rising times, desk times and free times. Don’t be regimental; be wise as to the needs of your children.
Comparing yourself to other homeschoolers and their achievements – this is one of the biggest issues amongst homeschool moms. You go to a friend’s home and see her 7year old’s gorgeous artwork, you hear of a 14 year old protégé and you compare your children to them. Or you compare yourself to a mom who seems to have it all together all the time and you feel like you can’t even get through the basics. It is important to allow these situations to cause you to be a little introspective and make necessary changes IF you need to, but for the rest, rather appreciate your children’s uniqueness – maybe they can’t draw but they can build superb Lego creations…maybe they won’t be at university at 16, but they can cook an award winning lasagna!
Not training your children’s characters – the biggest stress with parents when their children are meant to be taking over their own education in their early teens is that they would prefer to lie in bed, watch YouTube or game rather than work. This is harder to undo in the teen years but for those in the younger years – start the way you intend to finish. Train your children to face difficulties, struggles and be overcomers so that when the hard things come at them – not only in school, but life – they have strength of character to see it through.
Feeling like you need to still DO IT ALL in times of ill health, exams or other high stress times. You don’t. You can say no more, cut away elaborate meals, cut out some social events until the time is over and then pick those things up again.
Tips for Work-at-Home Parents
Then to those who work from home – I have always had a home business and it has been a variety of things. Since 2002 it has been Footprints and from 2012 we added in a free-range meat business. This later business was as a way to teach our children entrepreneurial skills and each have played or still play a part in it.
Things that are important to remember if you are working from home is:
1. Husband and children’s needs come first.
2. Homeschooling comes second. No interruptions while they are busy with you if you can make this a set apart time, then do it.
3. Always opt for what is BEST, then good. For instance it is good for you and your children to socialize with other homeschoolers, but it may be best to have a stay at home day to catch up with your housework, admin or just enjoy a time of baking and tea with your children.
4. Switch off your phone until your children are seen too. Don’t constantly be checking messages and FB in the school morning.
5. Incorporate your children into your business life. This teaches them skills, hard work and sows entrepreneurial ideas into their minds.
If you are frazzled and overwrought, you need to pare back your life until peace returns to all.
“If you want to change, you will have to eliminate from your life, or in some cases, minimize certain activities so you can become a healing presence to your family.”
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