It's end of the year and many moms have a hunkering after that institution – the school prize giving - where their child will be called out in front of the whole school and told how they have excelled. They will get a sense of pride from their achievements and walk off with their certificate, trophy or book feeling like their hard work for the year was worth it.
With these “fond” memories (if you were the one getting the prizes!) moms may want to try and recreate this in their homeschools. Some families get together to do it at a function ranging from a homeschool family braai or to a large support group gathering at a hired hall with a stage, speakers and more. Whichever way they do it, is their choice and pleasure.
While there have been times in the past where we, Shirley and Wendy, have both had a form of prize giving in our homeschools, we have never held to it as an institution and certainly not past primary years. The reasons for this are few but perhaps important.
As homeschoolers we have rejected a system. If you follow the Charlotte Mason home education philosophy, as we do, you have also rejected the “system of school policy [which] is largely a system of prods. Marks, prizes, exhibitions, are all prods; and a system of prodding is apt to obscure the meaning of must and ought for the boy or girl who gets into the habit of mental and moral lolling up against his prods.” 1
Perhaps we got to the stage where we desired our children to do their work to the best of the ability for the “greater good” of knowing they had done their best. A simple well done on completing a task well, or the years work without too many tears should be enough. If we continually have to create a reward for our children to do the right thing, we are simply setting them up to fail in the real world where no one is standing around the corner waiting to tell the future housewives: “You are such a star for cleaning your home” and the future husbands: “What a champion for going to work today”. Anyone who has to clean a dirty kitchen sink 5 times a day knows there is no one clapping hands saying “well done!”
Charlotte Mason says: “The more we are prodded the lazier we get, and the less capable of the effort of will which should carry us to, and nearly carry us through, our tasks.” 2 She continues by saying that children are generally dutiful if they have been correctly trained to think that way. In this 21st Century where we have “special snowflakes”3 abounding, where children get a medal or trophy just for participating in an event, it is time to take our children back to “old fashioned” values of hard work for hard work’s sake.
Children are also encouraged in our homes to “stand or fall by their own effort”.4 The way this is interpreted in our homes is that their work is their work and the effort expended will reflect quite clearly in their written narrations, chapter tests etc. Too often homeschool moms want their children’s workbooks to look completed, not reflecting errors, crossing out and more. They feel that the world is looking in on their children and measuring them to some arbitrary standard. So they do the work for them. They colour, fix up, cut out - whatever it is.
They can also nag, prod, cajole, bribe the child to do the work when the kid is defiant, but at the end of the year still give them a “prize” instead of letting them “fail”. The concept of “failing” in a homeschool environment is a bit of a paradox…however if your child has not completed the tasks that you have set for them, or you know in your heart that they have really given the year a half-hearted attempt, why would you want to reward those choices?
“Standing or falling by their own effort” in the younger years is better than when they are in their last push for their school leaving certificate. At this stage the stakes are high for them, with the potential to delay entering into their tertiary studies or chosen career, and the cost is high for parents if they have to pay repeatedly for exam rewrites.
Remember to begin the way you plan to finish!
All this being said, the idea of a prize giving at the end of the year, when it is sincere and justified can be a lot of fun – or you could just ditch the prizes and certificates and simply have a fun picnic day out with other homeschool families to smile about the year gone by and share the ups and downs together.
So many children become performance-oriented because they (wrongly) believe that it is only through their achievements that they earn their parents love, approval and attention.
Instead of rewarding performance, rather affirm each child for WHO they are not WHAT they have done (or not done!)
This could be public or you could simply write each child a letter that they can keep, which tells them why each of them is special to you and that affirms them as a son or daughter. Let them know that they are loved and accepted as unconditionally as is humanly possible. Don't assume they know this. We are commanded to bless our children and this is one way to do that and a good opportunity to do so too.
Moms may also want to book themselves a pamper day alone to recover from the year – that’s allowed too! ;)
Footnotes:
1. Charlotte Mason (School Education, Chapter 4)
2. Charlotte Mason (School Education, Chapter 4)
3. The Special Snowflake (Also referred to as one with the "Special Snowflake Syndrome" or "SSS") is a person who believes they are different and unique from everyone else because of something there are or do. This thing they are or do, most commonly is something is something many many other people are doing, E.G. (Urban Dictionary)
4. Charlotte Mason (School Education, Chapter 4) http://www.amblesideschools.com/manual/Charlotte-Mason/chapter-4-some-rights-children-persons
