I'm reminded particularly of my son Uriel. Sometimes, as a father, I see him going to make a move while he's playing chess, and I see a better move, and I want to help him.

I've learned not to. You see the thing is he wants to play the game on his own. When he wins, he wants the win. When he loses, he's okay with that. He doesn't want to have to wonder if he'd have won without me. He doesn't want to second guess it.

But he doesn't want me to help his brother either. All he wants is the chance to test himself, to improve himself, and play a fair game.

I had a teacher, Dr. Rosenfeld, whose goal for her students is that they be autonomous, active, and accountable. As a parent, I want this for my children too, and I realize they have to take risks to have and be this. But I also want to protect my children from falling too hard. A person can learn the same lesson - I hope - from a few stitches as he can learn from a broken bone. But if he is never allowed to fall, he'll never learn how to get up again, and how to roll next time so he doesn't land so hard.

And I've seen too many people, myself included, who wonder because they have never really been tested, who are given things, and then give themselves over to doubt, like I risk doing to my son when I've suggested a move and he wins.

And on the other side are those who are too damned sure of themselves, also because they have never really been tested, or who have been so protected they don't ever have or take the opportunity to see the world from another person's perspective. Ms. Legaspi, a sophomore at Haverford college gives us a sense of this here (text), or here (a video version). I think these are the more pathetic. They can't even sense that something might be wrong, or that the world can look differently than they see it. It is no surprise so many have retreated to their safe spaces since November 8.

As Ms. Legaspi suggests, she has matured, she has grown and become a better human being because of the work she did.

And I think that's missing for so many Americans. Ms. Legaspi worked because she has to to achieve her dream. And she works because her dream is that important to her. Her work has made her a better human being. Her classmates have become soft.

And I think many of us have forgotten to dream. And we expect others to take care of us. But what we receive is never enough, whether it's love, or attention, or work, or food stamps, or unemployment insurance, or education, or healthcare. Because the truth is none of those can fill us with pride, and dignity, and a belief in ourselves.

Because the one thing our government can not do is give us our dignity, but well-meaning legislators continue to enact programs that have the net effect of taking it away.

So now perhaps is the time to look at where we will dig ourselves out, where we will grow, what we can learn, and how we can reclaim our dignity.

Maybe it's time to look at what we are hungry for. What is the fire, that when lit, will cause us to be bigger than we had ever imagined we could be. And we will risk losing it all. We may become poorer, and weaker, and never see our goal come to life. But we'll be able to hang on to the fire and take pride in what we've done to fulfill our purpose while we are here.

And it's the perfect time to look. Instead of waiting until we wake up with a hangover on January 1, and resolving we'll never drink that hard again, I suggest we set aside some time over the holidays to look at what we really want, and why. Then take those resolutions, and see what it really takes to make them happen, and then put the actions in our calendar. And then we won't have resolutions, but solid winnable milestones and goals, and a plan to turn those goals into reality, a plan to live our own dreams on our own terms.

And it won't matter who is in the White House, because we'll be creating our own future, and all we'll need is people to step aside so we can get to work.

David R. Herz
Herz for President