| Hi beautiful,
At the beginning of June, I shared with you that I valued suffering.
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| | In fact, after that, what I soon observed about myself is that I had deep, DEEP, rooted ADDICTIONS to suffering. As painful and sticky, icky as it was to admit this to my (generally joyful, radically optimistic) self, I accepted it. Then, through this optic of acceptance, I became the observer.
Truth. I didn't like what I saw. But at least, through seeing it, I could accept it, understand it, love it, release it and begin to set out to create new thoughts, behaviours and habits. It actually wasn't all that bad!
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| | So at the July, New Moon (solar eclipse) I made a commitment to release my addiction to suffering, and I've been in recovery ever since.
Recovery from an addiction is as tricky as it is rewarding. In recovery, this is where I was faced (slapped in the face might be a better description) with the hard truths of the pitfalls and patterns, leading to the roots of my addiction.
Here's what I've learned so far:
#1 So when I keep looking for external validation, particularly from people with their own lovely limitations & taking it personally as REJECTION...
it’s a personal red flag to ROOT DEEPER into loving, understanding and approving of myself.
Literally, get into yourself, Heidi.
I’m also noticing this with business... when I keep looking for external validation, I'm not going to be happy. In the pursuit of success, we pursue external goals to hit an internal emotional target, when, happiness is an inside job. Therefore, internal validation ONLY is (the key) to success.
#2 I’m judging myself and not letting myself do the stuff I want to do, just because, it’s just for me. Go and get f-ed, my resistance to fully love and give and celebrate myself. (Judgement and resistance are forms of suffering)
As if I’m not good enough... oh I wonder where I got that idea?
#3 I tell myself the lie that I’m not good enough (and I’ve done such a good job at finding evidence of this) because I look for the same big love and understanding that I am to the ones I love, when they have a limited capacity to love (which has nothing to do with me). They do love me. I’m the one who can’t see their love when I’m demanding it’s needs to be my way/the same as mine, which it actually, truly doesn’t. I love them regardless and they love me. These are my teachers of unconditional love. The best teachers of all.
Ohhhh and the bonus round, my artful self-sabotage. I resist finishing and following up and connecting the dots to some of the most rewarding projects and relationships, the one's that would make the biggest difference, just so I can suffer.
Life can’t be all sweet singing swallows, alpine glow, work I love, wild adventures, waterfalls, big love, steep rock & Syrah can it??
Well, now it can and it is. So be it.
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Whatever you need to release to get to greater, stronger, deeper expressions and manifestations of love, do it.
Love, your heart is home.
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In the Reiki Sound Therapy meditation, the intention undulated through the sound is to root yourself into you. Not only to root yourself into your physical body, but to root yourself into the truth of what you be and who you are.
The final affirmation is "I am home, I am that I am".
Here are the affirmations used in this Reiki Sound Therapy meditation. I recommend beginning your day and ending your day with this sound therapy meditation, or stating this nurturing affirmations:
I AM ROOTED
I AM CONNECTED
I AM SENSUAL
I AM CREATIVE
I AM CENTERED
I AM CONFIDENT
I AM LOVING
I AM LOVED
I AM GIVING
I AM RECEIVING
I AM SPEAKING
I AM EXPRESSING
I AM SEEING
I AM KNOWING
I AM LIGHT
I AM THE LIGHT OF LOVE
I AM HOME
I AM THAT I AM
This reiki sound therapy meditation carries deep, relaxing, energy-balancing tones healing throughout the body from root to crown, with the intention of a deep and zealous reconnection with your own physical body.
This reiki sound therapy meditation relieves stress in the body, promoting creative thinking and a better night’s sleep.
Prepare to let go, feeling a new sense of clarity, like a weight had been lifted from our shoulders.
Remember... what's the best that can happen?
To supporting you, Heidi
S A T ~ C H I T ~ A N A N D A |
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Heidi Lidholm
N A T U R A L A L C H E M Y
cognitive + spiritual transformation
a holistic, cognitive & spiritual approach to personal transformation combining REIKI SOUND THERAPY + CONSCIOUS LIFE COACHING + HERBALISM.
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