| Hi beautiful,
Have I ever told you about that time my snowboard saved my life?
Way back in early spring of 2010, with my very immature knowledge of mountain safety, I was snowboarding (out of bounds) over a creek running from Whistler mountain, down into the neighbouring village of Creekside (little did I know that's where I would later live when I returned to Whistler in 2017). I thought I was going to pop off a little bump in between the trees, immediately, only to realise, mid-air, that I had just tried to jump a hole over the river. As I slid the edge of my right foot on some snow to land, I swung backwards from my heels, upside down. Now, suspended by the power of the my snowboard, upside-down, hanging in a heidi-sized-hole, over a frozen-river-with-running-beneath-the-ice glacier creek.
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| | Hanging upside-down, alongside deep ice, my head could only see darkness as I watched the water flow downstream, beneath the wall of ice, into a dark oblivion. As I assessed the situation, I found I could stretch my hand to reach a large rock, with freezing glacier water running just over it, allowing my head some respite from hanging upside down. With a little support, I could look upwards to better assess what was going on and how I was going to survive this. Shouting or blowing my whistle only got lost in the dense darkness beneath the ice. Looking up at my board, I could see it was firmly held on the right side, and so fragile and loose on the other... I couldn't move. OMG, how was I still alive?? If I tried to get my board down, I could hit my head, break a bone on the rocks or fall into the black oblivion beneath the ice. This was a steep part of the creek. So I hung there listening to the icey river... convincing myself, moment by moment, not to panic. If I stayed calm, someone would find me. Someone had to find me.
I thought of my family, I couldn't let a thought enter that there could possibly be a probability that I might not not see them again. I imagined myself telling them that this crazy thing happened where I got rescued and that everything was going to be ok. My snowboard had a sketch of Audrey Hepburn on it, it's one of the reason's why I knew this board was for me. It reminded me of my friend Bronagh, who had died one year earlier. On the board, I knew she was with me. I told her she had to help me get home safely. I knew NOTHING about the power of positive or negative thinking at the time, nothing about manifestation, nothing about prayer in a non-Catholic sense, nothing about spirituality.
As I was hanging there, a memory came to me from the only Birkram yoga class I had attended, where the brilliant teacher had explained the power of breathing. She recounted that one of the core Bikram Yoga principles was to teach you to breath in moments of adversity. "You always have your breath" stayed with me.
"Just breathe, Heidi, all you have to do (and all you can do) right now, is breathe."
So i breathed in trough my nose, and out through my nose. I told Bronagh, I was listening, I would do what was needed of me BUT I was determined this wasn't it for me, i was going to live. I will stay here and breath because I know I have more to do here and I promise I'll start doing it.
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There were 3 of us snowboarding together that morning. My friend's friend whom I only met that morning, noticed I wasn't behind him and came back to look for me.
"Fucking Hell!!" was his first response, and then, he couldn't help but let out a nervous momentarily chuckle, which was fair, and also a welcome relief for me... that someone could see that this was happening to me and that I was in fact, hanging by my snowboard over a creek, and I was, in fact, still alive... I could totally see how it could be funny... if it wasn't happening to me!! He tried to approach but the snow was too fragile on my left side and it sent snow falling into my face and my left side even more unsteady.
He stopped a skier who called for Mountain Rescue. Getting me and everyone out of the predicament was quite the ordeal, to include tying members of the mountain rescue to trees around the creek and lowering one rescuer down into the hole to get me out. Once I was on my feet, they wanted to put me on a stretcher, but I refused. I knew I had to snowboard to the bottom. I had to get back on my snowboard or I would become afraid. I wasn't willing, in that moment, to let fear take away a sport that I loved. When I got to the bottom, I called my the home phone in Cork, my brother answered and I cried and cried and cried and cried.
So why am i telling you this now?
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| | | Because... I've moved to the mountains again in order for me to be able to snowboard 4 months of the year. Joking, but only slightly. There are a myriad of reasons why I love living in the mountains but nonetheless, snowboarding is a central factor and I'm now back exploring new heights on a new board.
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| | I moved here to Chamonix (Northern French Alps) to pursue mountaineering at a higher, deeper, steeper level. My latest goal is to be wearing a harness more days of the year, than not. And so, twice this week, once hiking and once on my snowboard, I came into contact with my self-imposed nemesis, an ice-y springtime running glacier creek. Water and Heidi... I am like a moth to a light!! If there is water on the mountain, by god I will find it. I had to muster up all my mental stability to time, after time, stay calm and handle each and every situation.
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| | You see, a pattern became evident, which I did not understand or have the language for at the time, where I was suffering from what is medically referred to as PTSD. When on my snowboard and when I heard water, I would completely seize up and freeze. My brain categorised these 3 items (ice/snow and running water) and the past event, as a time of immense stress. Suddenly my perspective, which physically had not been altered from before hearing the sound, suddenly, the situation was blown out of proportion by erratic fear. Nothing physically changed but my entire perspective on what was happening changed. I would lose grasp on the actual situation. It's as if the fear is blown up from a small projector onto a an outdoor summer night movie screen. There's little me and one gigantic fear screening right in front of me.
I first realised this PTS when I began attending yoga classes regularly at Jivamukti Berlin. The teacher would ask to do the bridge or a handstand, and I would mid-try start hyperventilating and then, crying. After maybe the 2nd or 3rd time, and thinking back to a time when I totally froze up on my last ski trip, I began to understand that I had unresolved psychic trauma stored in my mind and body. I began to understand and pursue learning more and more about the mind and body connection. I'm very much still in this rabbit hole, and now see it more as a heart, mind, body, soul, consciousness connection.
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| | Have you experienced a traumatic fear?
Can you think of a time when a fear became irrationally large?
Can you think of a fear that's still debilitating you?
Good. We all have fears. We all have all suffered trauma, even when we haven't quite found the language for it yet. Some trauma is physical, some trauma is emotional, and some is a combination of the two. You don't have to give your fear more energy than it already has, and you can, if you are willing, overcome your fears. Moment by moment, day by day, year by year.
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| | Seriously. This is not wishful thinking, it's neuroscience and psychology. Once we are able to go identify where the trauma originated, we can begin the journey of over-writing the fear-based scripts. Not only, can you face fears but you can overcome them!! This is what I LOVE to help people do... face your fears and thrive beyond them. I can help you release the trauma and rebuild strong, intentional subconscious patterns so that have tools for resilience and strength and confidence from the daily challenging transitions to bigger life transitions.
Stuffing away your fears does not make them go away.
Running away from the responsibility to pursue what light's you up does not make you happy.
Your fears and your unhappiness will keep tripping you up until you face them and win them over.
The funny thing about sharing this traumatic experience with you means I've really let it go. That fear,
- that part of my brain that held on to the trauma for dear life;
- that memory that brought tears to my eyes on the yoga mat and stopped my body from allowing my body go upside down (I now can do handstands, headstands and the bridge with strength and increasing agility); that fear that remembered the sound of running creek water as a threat
has now softened, has now disengaged. |
| | Can I say it will be gone forever? No way, because I can't stop and won't stop pursuing glacier creeks throughout the seasons!! But... every time, I meet a glacier creek, I win! One day, I will forget that it happened and what that trauma even felt like. I have worked through my fear on an emotion, physiologically, psychological and physical level through meditation, yoga, plant medicine, nutrition, and mental coaching.
This is one fear that I have mastered, and it's not the only one. I'm still slaying fears every day, because I have the gathered (and continue to gather) tools to live a courageous life.
I have a courageous heart and I'm confident that if you're willing, I can help you face your fears and live from your courageous heart too.
If you're interested to hear a little more about how I could help you... keep reading, and if not, the story that I began is now complete and I challenge you, this week, face a fear, and then, email me (respond to this email) to share your courageous win (however small or big you may think it is) with me!
... I can help you face your fears and live from your courageous heart too.
I have directly dealt with the emotional repatterning in the following areas:
- trauma
- sexual trauma
- stress
- anxiety
- depression
- active depression
- country relocation
- loneliness
- mental health illness
- misunderstanding emotions
- financial collapse
- cancer
- addiction
- heartbreak
I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist.
I'm an experienced experimentalist.
I'm a coach, I'm a healer, I'm a loving ass-kicker.
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| | - I've been out in the world living, thriving, fucking up, healing, crying, resolving, adventuring, showing up for people and showing up for myself.
- I'm a professional listener, an intuitive strategist, an advanced observer of behaviour and most importantly, I only preach what I practice.
- I have mastered emotional resilience and miraculous manifestations in my own life and facilitated transformational results with my clients and family.
Which means I have the skills and experience (earned through living both blissful and painful life experiences) to offer you a confidential healing space and a loving ass kicking so that you have the tools to for of emotional resilience: - identify behavioural patterns
- resolve emotional patterns
- design a new binary blueprint
- transform to feeling happy, beautiful, light, strong, resilient, flexible, worthy and free to be all that you are.
When you're ready to holistically create a transformation in your life, schedule your session here.
To supporting you,
Heidi
P.S. Remember....
I challenge you, this week, face a fear, and then, email me (respond to this email) to share your courageous win (however small or big you may think it is) with me!!
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