Hi beautiful,
I hope you enjoyed some restful, nourishing & delicious festivities this holiday season.
Thank you for being here & reading (or watching) my little note for you every week!
Do you know what I see in you?
I see light.
I see numinous luminosity glowing from within you.
Maybe sometimes it can feel that your light is buried deep under stone & rubble...
Maybe sometimes it may feel that the rough stormy seas have submerged your light pulling it under with the tidal force of the waves...
It's ok, because do you know what is true but nobody wants to admit...
we're all in pain.
Let's start there.
Let's just acknowledge it.
You don't even have to do anything,
you don't have to take responsibility,
you don't have to cry or react or journal,
just see the pain as pain.
Get impersonal with it for a moment.
Maybe you can see your pain as a colour.
Look at it until it doesn't feel like a feeling, it's just existing.
Now,
ask your pain to leave the room, to leave your space.
What happens now?
Do you have some resistance to letting it go?
Do you need the pain?
Does a part of you want the pain to stay?
Maybe, are you subconsciously asking the pain to stick around?
Maybe you feel safe in the pain.
I know I have felt very safe in pain in the past.
My pains were security.
My pains were reliable.
I felt comfortable with my pains for so long
that they became my hiding place.
I felt safe in my pain because I told myself I knew what it was, I could rationalise it, I could give it reason & meaning...
BUT then, my body said NO.
My body said it's either the pain or me.
My body said I'm shutting down;
I'm going to force you to take a look at what you don't want to look at it. I'm going to push you to make the changes you know you need but your pain keeps convincing you that your pain is more important.
Moving beyond pain requires creating change.
Change & the unknown chaos beyond the pain can seem even more daunting...
I held on to "the safety" of my pain (which really was not safety at all but more like a prison) as a disguise while I refused to allow myself to have what I want, to create the change I needed to have what I wanted.
In doing this, I was refusing to love myself.
I was refusing to let myself be the most important person to me.
What I couldn't see then, but I know now, that the pain was showing me that I was not satisfied and happy with where I was.
Because of my unhappiness, I was, at first, reluctant to discuss new opportunities
because my already broken self esteem, my pain,
could only interpret the new quest as a failure or a threat of more failure.
However, I decided to accept 4 things: - firstly, that I matter the most,
- that my desires are important,
- that my health is my wealth,
- & that I can make different choices, even if the choices feel uncomfortable & a big part of me doesn't want to do it...
Now, in rushed the potential of the possibility...
How could things be different?
What if I stared off with making changes that prioritised me?
What if I made changes for
- more sleep for me
- more reading for me
- more silence for me
- more walking in nature for me
- more activities I love
What if ...
- said no before I automatically said yes
- scheduled things & people 2,3,5 weeks in advance
- knew my priorities & goals & reviewed them every morning
- drank more water
- went to bed 2 hours earlier
- kept my phone off until I got to the office in the morning
- turned my phone off when I got home
What if I asked myself...
- what books do I want to read this year
- if i put extended my goal timeframe to achieve them in 2 years & not this year... could I spend a year enhancing my quality of life, enjoying my days instead of rushing to the finish line?
- what place do I want to visit this year?
- how could my life change if I 2forgave that person?
- what (small, even insignificant) moments did I love the most last year
- who do I want to spend more time with
There isn't a logical reason why things happen the way they happen to us.
Pain forces you to take the leap of faith to empower yourself to create something different.
We are designed to heal. We are designed to create.
As your soul guide
in self healing & self creating,
I will not let you fall
& if I see you slip into that darkness of pain,
I will give you the best of what I've got
to be a channel for grace, to reignite your own grace!
You might not always like my direction,
lucky for you I'm not here to please you,
I'm here to bring out more light in you.
To hit the light switch,
to bathe you in your own full luminosity,
to empower you to your brightest illumination.
I see your numinous light. I see your boundless potential
& I know that you can create & you can heal.
Do you?
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