| | | How is your heart today? How are your feet today?
How about taking a big, huge sigh of relief?
Take a deep breath in..in...in..... and then, let out a longer, relieving, audible exhale.
Deep, audible sighs are so important for our nervous system.
Yet somehow our culture has misconstrued them into being an act of "boredom" or "laziness" or "despondence" when nothing could be further from reality.
A deep sigh is your body-brain's natural way to release tension and reset your nervous system as it returns the autonomic nervous system from an over-activated sympathetic state to a more balanced parasympathetic state.
This week, I find my myself loudly exemplifying a deep sigh for my rescue puppy.
Yes that's right, you read that right! I have adopted a rescue puppy all the way from Bosnia.
Consequently, these two topics have primarily occupied my mind this week: relaxing, slow breathing, sighing (to teach the pup) trust (learning how to teach the pup to trust me
As it's self-enquiry Sunday, let's dive into the latter, trust.
In December, I came across this quote and have become a little bit fascinated by it.
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I began to stew on the question... why do we trust those who have deceived us?
In what context do we trust those who deceive us?
It's seems to me that deceit, lies, fibs, embellishments, fraudulence, misrepresentation, dissembling and dishonesty are commonplace, if not common practice throughout society and throughout human relations.
To understand it, one could suggest that it developed culturally as a mechanism for protection and survival.
Take for example, in Irish history, throughout the years of the British seeking rule of our sovereign state, we were divided by the British rule and those who upheld British rule into: those who spoke Irish vs those who spoke english, then, those who stood for a republic vs those who stood for British rule, then, protestant vs catholic.
When society is split, divided for power, deception is a consequence.
One side never feels truly safe with the other. This is the why the reigns holding power create the division. Divide to conquer. When society is divided, no one really knows who really has their back, Thus creating a sense of dis-ease and mistrust amongst people. When society is divided, people feel obligated or entitled to judge, hate and discriminate against the opposition.
As this trickles through the generations and all facets of society, it's easy to see how lies, misrepresentation and dishonesty have become mechanisms of survival.
Now that we can speculate how a culture of lying developed.
Let's revisit Charlie Brown.
| | Imagine if we actually lived in this way?
Imagine if we decided that if someone was to deceive us, even just once, then, we raised our boundaries, said no and moved on. Maybe, even, removed them for our life.
Imagine if we knew that the stakes were that high and respected people/situations accordingly.
Can you imagine the moral compass we would all be operating from?
Of course, it's easy to speculate, it's an entirely different when you have to put a philosophy into action.
In walks, Uffe. | |
Uffe is 8 months old. Uffe was found in a bin with his mother and 5 other siblings when the pups were two weeks old. He spent the first 6 months in a shelter where I believe he was neglected and maltreated by at least one male. But, at least, during this time, he was with his mother and all siblings.
Then, he was collected, brought to vet, separated from his mum and two siblings and then, spent 3 months in a kind shelter with 3 siblings; where volunteers would come to visit and walk the pups in the shelter.
Uffe has only lived outdoors with other dogs. He had never been inside a home until coming to live inside my cosy one bed apartment last Saturday night.
It would seem, from Uffe's perspective that when humans come into his life abrupt, sudden, life-altering change happens.
At 6pm last Saturday evening, I carried Uffe, terrified, out of the van that had just landed from Bosnia, and put him into the backseat of my car. Now for the first time in his life he was alone, without any dogs, sitting on something soft and listening to the hum of a human driving him in the dark up into the mountains.
So my main objective for these past seven days has been to make another being feel safe, understood, disciplined, nurtured and protected.
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Appropriately, the success of his development and our relationship rides or dies on trust.
Which has got me thinking about the aforementioned fascinating quote from Peanuts.
What if Uffe's moral compass is set like this - that even if I deceive him once - there's no going back?
I'm no Dog Psychotherapist but it seems quite obvious that when Uffe's trauma arises, he immediately goes from his gentle, curious, relaxed state to growling, defensive, protective and then, very scared.
Just like us humans, dogs suffer trauma too. It's intriguing to watch his behaviour unfold because unlike us humans who have intricate webs of convoluted emotions, somehow, Uffe's are more blatant; it's one or the other. It's as if I can also see him deliberating between fear and trust in real-time.
Fear takes a hold of behaviour and wins almost every time due its innate mechanism of protection. I can see that in times where his fear is triggered, he wants to be gentle and curious, yet his operating system says to survive you better defend, protect and attack.
Respectively, I have to consistently soothe his nervous system on an ongoing basis and learn what his needs in order to trust me and this new environment. For example, every time he wakes up from a nap, I talk to him and pet him to reassure him that he's home and safe, and that I'm here.
Duly, when his behaviour is inappropriate - growling at men, or snapping at them (although I kind of love how much he protects me), I must consistently balance between discipline and ignoring the behaviour, so he understands a new level of safety and trust among humans.
So as life has thrown it's regular curve balls of client meetings, meal-times, meeting other dogs, meeting my friends... the question, consistently, I have to ask myself - will what I am doing now build his trust in me or reduce his trust in me?
So let's close with some explorations into trust.
For homework this week Friend, I welcome you to consider how you trust...
Who do you trust and why do you trust them? Who do you not trust and why? Where or when did you begin to mistrust them? Why? When was the last time someone deceived you? When was the last time you deceived someone? How do you practice building trust with another? Do you trust yourself?
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There's one more question left to ask ~>
what's the best that can happen?
Sending love, Heidi
H E I D I L I D H O L M love life, live love. devotion in motion to being you. heidilidholm.com | |
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