In life I'm in a weird transitional place. Getting older is type trash. There's a lot of identity confusion. I've never really exposed myself to much of what people consider the "Real World" I'm 33 years old and haven't had a job since I was 20. I've created a career that I'm not 100% proud of.I think other people would be proud of it but honestly I'm ashamed of it. The dumb ass thing is, is that I'm ashamed of it because of what others think & not because of what the reality is. It's more my fault though. I'm basing what I consider success off of the material things that I have around me. My health is deteriorating right in front of my eyes and I continue to do nothing about it. My confidence is deteriorating with it & it's rubbing off more & more on my family. Inside I'm this lost child that still doesn't understand himself. Fighting for recognition, while on the outside I want nothing to do with the world at all. What a paradox? I have to change though. I want... No... I NEED better. I want to "live my best life". I want an amazing house & amazing cars. I want to go on trips and buy out stores. The best thing of all is that I want to do all of that and not feel guilty for finding a hint of happiness from it. I want to also be healthy & afford to be healthy. Shit being healthy is just as expensive as the other things I named. I'm willing to put in the work to get there & beyond. I want to show my son that anything is possible and that with just your mind you can bring anything to fruition. I have to eat sleep and shit this. I have to. I don't want to die with regrets I want to die with a smile because my end day memories are so amazing.
I'm a walking, talking contradiction...Just like you..
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