I grew up hearing the truth of God’s Word and was taught the way of salvation through Jesus Christ alone. However, at an early age I found some magazines with sensual images. Although I did not fully understand what I saw, I knew it was wrong and said nothing about it. This began a pattern of secret sin that would continue to grow for the next twenty years. By the time I was in high school, I was fully given over to the party lifestyle and had a secret addiction to pornography, which only grew more and more depraved. I tried counteracting my sin with a “nice guy” image but by my mid-twenties, this double life had made me miserable inside and too proud to tell anyone about it. I knew something had to change and so I slowly started turning back to God.
After about two years of “getting back into church,” God started showing me my hypocrisy. I still had this unconfessed sexual sin habit that I was trying to fight on my own. The Lord drastically changed the direction of my life when, after a few hours of battling temptation one night, I gave in and immediately felt a heavy conviction—unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I made a desperate internet search and eventually found Pure Life Ministries’ 20 Truths series on YouTube. After hours of watching those videos, I finally turned to the Word, opening to John 8. When I got to verse 44, He showed me that I was not the good guy who had no enemies, but I was, in fact, an enemy of God. I confessed my sin the next day and quickly found myself enrolled in the Residential Program.
Once I arrived on campus, God immediately went after the comfortable life that I had fallen in love with. I was surrounded by people I did not know and could no longer rely on the image that I had built up when I was home. God started confronting me on how selfish I was. He showed me that almost all my thoughts were about me and how consumed I was in my mind with fantasy. I can see now that He did not reveal this to punish me, but to free me and teach me how to fight against the natural tendencies of my sinful heart. The focus was on my lack of relationship with Jesus and what I needed to do to cultivate it.
I am so grateful for what God did for me in the Residential Program, and that He also called me to come on staff here. Through daily devoted time in the Word and in prayer, God continues to give me a heart that is more willing to surrender my desires and find joy in seeing His will being accomplished. The past two years of submitting to Him have been far more fulfilling than the twenty-nine years I spent living for myself! |