What I've Learned From Working With Women Facing Abortion
Guest Column
I’ve learned that the word ‘choice’ is often the last word a woman in a crisis pregnancy feels applies to her when she’s looking for an abortion. As I put down my mobile having spoken to yet another distraught woman for over an hour, I look at the time and realize it’s gone 10 pm. I yawn and stretch – it’s been another very long, emotionally draining day. I listen carefully to see if there’s anyone else upstairs who may have accidentally overheard my conversation. Thankfully, it appears not. The privacy of the woman I’ve been speaking to is crucial as she’s in an extraordinarily difficult situation and I’m one of only four people on the planet who currently knows she’s pregnant. Also, I’m staying with family members who don’t know I work with women seeking abortions.
It’s a difficult subject you see, and one that elicits extremely strong emotional reactions from almost everyone, whichever side of the debate they stand on. As someone who naturally tries to avoid confrontation at all costs, I find it very hard to explain to people that the majority of the “women in need” that I work with came to me wanting an abortion. My father, who does know, begged me to find some other charitable work: “Go and dig a well or something! No one can argue that that’s a good thing to do!” In some ways, I would love to. It would be a lot simpler and I would be significantly less of a social outcast. I’ve always been a good girl, and never felt remotely inclined to do anything controversial before. The thing is, having stepped into this strange, unseen world full of extraordinarily courageous women in the most difficult circumstances, with nowhere else to turn, I don’t think I will ever really leave.
Having worked with hundreds of women seeking abortions over the last few years, I’ve learned a great deal about life. As a recent article written by a trainee abortion doctor attests, “pregnancy at the wrong time, with the wrong person, or in the wrong situation, can be a very lonely and unsympathetic place to be.” I’ve spoken to women from every conceivable background, ages ranging from early teens to late 40s, and each has their own story explaining why they’re pregnant, and why they want an abortion. It is never a decision that is taken lightly, and there is always a very compelling reason why the woman is seeking an abortion. There is also an almost universal, overwhelming sense that they have “no choice” and that given the crisis they’re in, abortion is the only possible option. Far from empowered, this leaves most women I’ve spoken to feeling utterly wretched.
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"Between a Woman and Her Doctor" Is Just a Myth
Theresa Bonopartis
Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, when recently questioned about what limits should be placed on abortion, sidestepped the question, repeating the old familiar mantra, “A women’s right to make her own decisions about her body should be between her and her doctor.”
I’m accustomed to the deft use of words by pro-abortion extremists to change the subject. They talk about ”choice,” “decision,” and a “woman’s body” when what they are clearly speaking of is abortion. After over twenty years of working with women who have experienced abortion, I have to take issue with the myth that the decision of whether to have an abortion is between a woman and her doctor. I have met too many who suffered years of pain and regret to continue to allow that lie to be unanswered. Here are a few:
1. Mary had been in and out of psychiatric units for years. She knew her abortion bothered her, but like with many women, her feelings were never legitimized, and everything else but abortion was blamed for her problems. Mary had an abortion after her husband threatened to leave her if she went forward with the birth of their child. She caved in to the pressure only to have her husband die of a heart attack a couple of months later. Until she found post-abortion counseling at Lumina, and went through healing, Mary spent years in and out of psychiatric institutions. Mary’s “choice” had nothing at all to do with her and her doctor.
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We are always interested in publishing relevant content from guest experts, thoughtful people, or those who just want to share their story.
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