Subject: Elliot Institute News, Vol. 6, No. 1
The Elliot Institute News
From the Leader in Post-Abortion Research
Vol. 6, No. 1 -- Jan. 8, 2006
Visit us online: http://www.AfterAbortion.Info
An Excerpt from the Preface to "Giving Sorrow Words"
Melinda Tankard Reist
Editor's Note: Below is an excerpt from the author's preface to the book Giving Sorrow Words: Women's Stories of Grief After Abortion, by Melinda Tankard Reist — newly published by the Elliot Institute under its Acorn Books imprint. For ordering information, see below.
Amid the maelstrom and clamor of the ongoing debate over abortion, the din of argument, claim, counterclaim and accusation, voices struggle to be heard.
Women's voices. Women bereaved, bereft, desolate, isolated. Women who had an abortion for themselves or underwent it out of deference to others. Women who aborted for self-preservation and found their entire sense of self demolished. Women emotionally disabled by unrecognized and unrelieved grief. Women who feel alienated by the politics of abortion, not "at home" with either side—some who no longer "believe in" abortion and others who still support access—but all agreeing that the cost to them was significant and that the lasting emotional shock after abortion must be acknowledged.
Most public discussion about abortion takes place with little or no consideration of the actual experience of women who have endured the termination of their pregnancies. Painful events need pain-relieving expression. But the response of traumatized aborting women has been repressed—because of the charged nature of the subject; because of shame and the pressure to maintain family secrets ("Don't tell," "What would people think?"); because they don't want to be labeled dysfunctional, deviant, "psycho," hysterical, or a complainer; and because it's not the done thing to talk about this kind of grief.
* * *
It seemed to me the time had come for a book giving space to women who were surprised by the intensity of their feelings after abortion. Giving Sorrow Words brings some of these women out of the shadows and allows them to speak.
Many of the stories in this book are bleak and heart-breaking. I make no apology for that; I could not make them less so. The integrity of each woman's story had to be respected, and thus the reader has not been spared their more distressing elements. The accounts are confronting—but we should be disturbed. This is a far more appropriate response than that of abuse—the abuse of denial.
* * *
Two hundred and fifty women responded to small advertisements in women's magazines, letters to the editor in newspapers, and other notices in various places. A number of women commented that the small heading on the advertisement for contributions—"Abortion Grief"—in itself had given them permission to open up their grief. They had been stunned by the profundity and complexity of their feelings, thinking they were alone in their grief, that something must be wrong with them for feeling so anguished. For some, sharing their stories for this book was the first time they had spoken to another person about their abortion experience.
Despite the emotional ordeal it was for most of the contributors, all found the process of recording their stories helpful to them, as reflected in the words of these six women:
Cassie: "So many feelings and emotions, locked in the secret hallways of my heart and mind! But it helps knowing that I'm not the only one going through all this. It helps knowing that other women have the same thoughts and emotions. Thank you for taking the time to listen to women like me, who so far felt all alone in a world that cannot understand the pain, frustration and guilt one goes through after an abortion."
Anita: "Write your book, and please tell the truth, about the pain, the shattered lives. Abortion is an open, bleeding wound."
Trish: "I want you to know how important this story is to me; just telling it to someone has saved my sanity. I hated myself for a very long time ... women should know that they might not get over it."
Iris: "Through putting my story down to let you read it has brought me a certain amount of freedom from my Ghosts. For years I felt that no one could possibly understand or that I could tell anyone."
Jenny: "Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to get it out of my psyche, which was most beneficial to my well-being. I feel I am no longer a victim of the system; you have given me voice and that has allowed me to take back my power."
Linda: "Writing my story has been the best (and only) therapy I have had since I fell pregnant 17 years ago ... I have wanted to cry this out to the world for years."
* * *
Hearing the voices of women speaking through this book, the reader might be more sensitive to the burdens carried by a friend who has walked the lonely road of abortion. The woman considering abortion might gain an insight into what she could face afterwards. The man who never has to contemplate such a decision for himself might more readily appreciate what confronts a woman when she faces it.
These stories are obviously not representative of all women and all abortion experiences. But they are representative of a significant group of women whose voices have been at least stifled, if not deliberately smothered, by institutionalized, systematic denial.
I pay tribute to the openness and generosity of every woman who shared the most intimate details of her life with me. I am indebted to every woman who laid her emotions bare to bring the most intense of pains to light—for this book, for herself, and because she wanted to help other women give sorrow words.
~~~
Melinda Tankard Reist is an Australian writer and researcher with a special interest in women's health, new reproductive technologies, and medical abuses of women. To order a copy of Giving Sorrow Words, contact Acorn Books at 1-888-412-2676 or email amy@afterabortion.info. The cost of the book is $14.95 plus shipping.
Listen to the Unchoice Campaign Radio Spots
Our "Abortion is the Unchoice" education and outreach campaign corrects stereotypes about "free choice" while exposing abortion's injustice, risk and harm to everyone involved. If Americans knew the truth, they would never push others to abort or tolerate forced or misinformed abortions and non-support in the name of "choice."
The "Unchoice" radio ads are a low-cost/no cost-format for spreading this message and educating others. Many local radio stations -- especially Christian or conservative stations -- will run the ads as public service announcements (PSA's), free of charge. They can also be used to open a talk, memorial event to commemorate Roe v. Wade, or other pro-life event. You can run them as audio recordings at an educational table or booth as well.
To listen to an audio recording of the ad, click here, or visit www.unchoice.info/radio.htm to listen to all four of our radio spots. If you are interested in using the ads, please contact us by email or by phone at (217) 525-8202.
RADIO :60 SPOT
FIRST ANNOUNCER (WOMAN) ...
WHAT IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SLEEPING IN A CARDBOARD BOX OR SUFFERING THROUGH A PAINFUL, UNNECESSARY AND UNWANTED SURGERY?
WHAT IF THEY FORCED THE SURGERY... AND WHEN YOU CRIED OUT IN PAIN, THEY ORDERED YOU TO SHUT UP? IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY IN AMERICA, WHEN WOMEN ARE PUSHED, PRESSURED OR VIOLENTLY FORCED INTO UNWANTED ABORTIONS.
83 PERCENT OF ABORTIONS ARE UNWANTED, 64 PERCENT INVOLVE COERCION ... AND SOMETIMES VIOLENCE.
SHONTRESE SAID SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE ABORTION ... UNTIL THE HOMELESS SHELTER THREATENED TO KICK HER OUT ON THE STREET.
MARY DIDN'T CHOOSE ABORTION ... UNTIL HER HUSBAND SMASHED A COUPLE OF LAMPS, DESTROYED THEIR APARTMENT AND ORDERED HER TO MAKE THE APPOINTMENT.
JULIE DIDN'T CHOOSE ABORTION ... UNTIL HER PARENTS LOCKED HER IN THE HOUSE FOR TWO WEEKS BEFORE SHE FINALLY COMPLIED.
STUDIES SHOW THAT MOST ABORTIONS ARE PUSHED, NOT CHOSEN. BUT A LOT OF WOMEN WHO DIDN'T CHOOSE THEIR ABORTIONS ARE CHOOSING TO HEAL ... AND THEY'RE WARNING OTHERS THAT A COERCED, UNWANTED AND PAINFUL CHOICE IS REALLY NO CHOICE AT ALL.
ANNOUNCER #2 ...
ABORTION IS THE UN-CHOICE ... UN-WANTED, UN-SAFE, UN-FAIR
LEARN MORE AT UNFAIRCHOICE.INFO
~~~
Donations to support this effort are greatly appreciated. To contribute, click here.
12 Ways to Help Spread the Unchoice Message
#1: Use the Unchoice: Unwanted. Unsafe. Unfair. Ads & Educational Materials
If Americans knew the truth about unwanted, misinformed or forced abortions ... they would not push women to abort or deny them the opportunity to heal. Millions still suffer in the wake of a procedure that was never safe ... never just ... and never about free or fully informed choices.
Americans have been kept in the dark and many unwittingly push their daughters, wives, sisters or friends into unwanted and dangerous abortions. Meanwhile, countless women who have lived the abortion nightmare are resorting to despair or even suicide. It is urgent that we educate others about abortion's injustice and danger to everyone involved. With your help, we can stop others from pushing abortion in lieu of authentic choices and offer renewed hope and healing to women, men and families hurt by abortion.
Below is just one way you can help this important effort. To see the complete list of 12 Ways to Help, click here.
1. Use the UnChoice: Unwanted. Unsafe. Unfair. ads & educational materials.
A decision made in the dark or under duress cannot fairly be called a "choice." Abortion is the un-choice because it’s not a choice ... in most cases, it's not wanted ... it's not freely chosen ... it's not fully informed ... in many cases it's forced.
Using research-based messages, this campaign corrects stereotypes about "free choice" while exposing abortion's injustice, risk and harm to everyone involved. If Americans knew the truth, they would never push others to abort or tolerate forced or misinformed abortions and non-support in the name of "choice."
Visit www.unchoice.info to view our print, radio, and TV ads and posters and download free fact sheets and other educational materials.
Donations to support this effort are greatly appreciated. To contribute, click here.
Distribute Hope and Healing for Respect Life Sunday -- There's Still Time!
"If your paper would have been available to me in college I would never have had an abortion." --Nancy
As we approach another year of commemorating the Supreme Court's tragic decision in Roe v. Wade, we remember the millions of hurting women and men who have experienced the trauma and abuse of abortion and the loss of their children — and those now facing crisis pregnancies. Hope and Healing, the Elliot Institute's 12-page newspaper insert on post-abortion issues and healing, is a perfect educational tool to expose the pain and suffering caused by abortion and let those struggling after a past abortion know they are not alone.
Please consider raising awareness of this vital message in your church or community by distributing Hope and Healing in your church information rack, newsletter or bulletin and at Respect Life events and pro-life marches and rallies this January. This publication will:
reduce the abortion rate by discouraging the notion that abortion is a good solution to a crisis pregnancy,
reduce the rate of unwanted abortions by helping those who would pressure women into abortion "for their own good" understand the long-term negative effects abortion will have on their loved ones,
help foster post-abortion healing by letting those struggling with a past-abortion know they are not alone and encourage them to seek help through a post-abortion ministry,
raise awareness of post-abortion issues and the need for healing,
help readers respond in an empathetic and understanding way to their loved ones who have experienced abortion, and
foster a positive pro-woman image of the pro-life community.
Hope and Healing is also ideal for running as a paid insert in your college, community, or local newspaper. You can take a look at Hope and Healing on our web site at www.afterabortion.info/hope/pageview.htm. A packet of 50 inserts is available for only $20 (U.S. shipping included), or ask about our low prices for bulk orders. To place an order or for more information, call 1-888-412-2676 or send an email to amy@afterabortion.info.
~~~
Find out more about this and other resources at www.afterabortion.info/Resrc1.html.
To place an order, call Acorn Books at 1-888-412-2676 or email amy@afterabortion.info.
DONATIONS to the Elliot Institute can be made here
Encourage Others to Join Our List, here.
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