| Hi Friend!
I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately as a transition away from sports talk media. Aside from loving to play sports as a kid I loved learning and following sports. I loved it because I wanted to be the best so what better way to support that goal than by learning about the best and following the best. Another reason is because my two dads loved sports, so it was another way to connect with them by reading, listening, learning and watching what they were interested in. A final reason I loved the consumption of sports was because it was a safe coping method during difficult times. The following read may be helpful for you if you have trouble listening to your inner voice and/or if your behaviors don't match your goals.
Attachment and Authenticity Tim Ferriss, the author of The 4 Hour Work Week, The 4 Hour Body, The 4 Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors, has a very popular podcast and he recently interviewed Dr. Gabor Mate a Canadian PCP, who worked in Palliative Care and now specializes in addiction.
This was an unexpected listen, but it was pretty powerful as it relates to so many things. This is one experts opinion, Dr. Gabor Mate's, but it relates to a lot of things you may know or have heard before and it may fill in some missing pieces.
Two needs of every human are Attachment and Authenticity.
Attachment is connection to others. Authenticity is listening to your gut, being your true self.
Gabor said, that most addictions people have are related to traumas experienced during their time as youths at home from fetus through adolescents. When we're in the womb and growing up we yearn for attachment to our parents and loving people. If we don't get it, it affects our authentic self, so much so that we'll do most anything to get that attachment, even if it compromises our authentic self. If we don't get attachment fulfillment at home, we still long for and look for it and continue to compromise our authenticity by not listening to our wise inner voice and cope with the longing in various ways, many of which lead to addiction.
Gabor believes most every addiction is related to a childhood trauma and a lack of or longing for attachment that led to coping through harmful behaviors that led to addiction. He believes to solve addiction we need to look at causes vs. consequences. Once you discover causes you have to work to unravel them and work towards finding attachment and recovering your authenticity.
Gabor is so passionate about this because he describes himself as a workaholic. He realized he was a workaholic because he has always longed for attachment since before birth. When his mom was pregnant with him in Hungary, the Nazi's were coming in to get the Jews. His mom was literally worried about her life, so he felt the stress right from the beginning. When he was born, his mom gave him to someone she met randomly in the street, when she was taken away. He was away from his mom for a full month. This stress and longing stayed with him forever, until he started working with his addiction patients and unpacking their causes. He would say he's very sensitive and can relate.
What does this have to do with you? Being mindful. Being in tune with your body. Eating slowly and stopping @ 80% full. Deciding if you're mouth hungry or stomach hungry. Should you or shouldn't you do something (one more drink, stay up past bedtime...)
Are all examples of listening to your self. Your authenticity. If you have trouble listening to yourself, you might have a lot of built up experience suppressing your inner voice, your true self, your little person.
You might do it to get a job, join a team, be in a club, court a partner, gain social or professional or family acceptance. You might do these things to get attachment. You might do these things to get attachment because you may not have gotten it the way you needed it when you were being made and growing up. You may still be longing for it and/or you may have never broken that pattern. If you're still longing for it or still in that pattern of longing for it by suppressing yourself, you may find ways to cope with your longing that are harmful to you and impeding your goals (weight loss, relationships, health, performance, work, ...). If this pattern has gone on long enough or has been harmful enough to you, you might be addicted to the coping method. I know. That doesn't read or sound great. Nobody wants to have any behavior labeled as an addiction.
If you recognize your addicted to something and/or if you recognize you're not able to listen or hear or be or act on your true self, your inner voice, your true feelings, you may have unresolved attachment longing. It might be time to ask yourself some deep questions of why you do what you really do if you know its not good for you?
Hey, I'm not a therapist. I'm a coach and person who cares about his people and myself and I'm always trying to problem solve and come up with ways to get safe and lasting results faster, so we can have kick ass lives. This podcast, was fascinating to me because it helped me understand some of my things and it helped me understand things that my people and clients may be going through. It's a long listen, so take it in bite sized chunks, and it may help you to unpack some things of your own and help you on your journey to a well lived life. If you think you need a therapist (aka a safe person to listen and help you problem solve), go for it. They're experts at what they do and it counts towards self-care, just not cardio minutes (unless you walk there and back).
Blessed to be getting lots of attachment these days and working to be more authentic each day,
Coach Mike Alves
p.p.s. Dr. Gabor Mate also believes autoimmune diseases are related to attachment and authenticity. So there's that too.
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