In this week’s article, I invite you to explore the topic of author success for you.
I'll be sharing my vision of success for my coming Kickstarter in a future email. I need to journal on it some more before sharing.
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Many people think there is only one way to be a successful writer, as if the definition of success is only one thing.
But really, you get to define success for you.
How about that?
Since you write your own stories, out of your life experience -- your heart and blood and sinews -- why not bring your artistry to the definition of success too?!
Why wouldn’t your definition of success also be wholly defined by you?
That’s not to say there are constraints that we exist inside of due to our upbringing, ancestry, the culture that surrounds us, and the larger society systems we live inside of. (As well as the constraints of the laws of nature...)
Some of these constraints are imposed from the outside and are completely unfair from a diversity and equity perspective.
All that built-in hardship, like racism, sexism, and ableism, that has shaped our ancestors’ lives and continues to shape our lives.
And from a very early age, we have internalized many of these restrictions of our intersecting cultures.
However, in this day and age, many of us have the opportunity to question these constraints and step out of them and create new ways of being in the world.
We may need support and examples on how to recreate the definition of success. I'd like to offer some support for that reframe today.
So I invite you to explore deeper what author success is to you.
To start, explore what you have been handed. - What does society (or your family) say equals success as a writer?
Write that down, if it helps. That way you can see the words outside of your own head.
Take a step back and ask: - Is this what I really want?
Maybe it is; maybe you're ready for something else.
Many people define success by the outcome: money, status, recognition. Bestsellers lists. A certain amount of books sold or money coming in.
All good things.
But what I notice is that people sometimes sell their creative tender heart and soul to attain these markers of success.
What I also notice is that these external results are really about having an internal experience. Something I became very aware of through my NLP training at NLP Marin.
- For example, for many years I have stated during my New Years’ resolutions that I wanted to be on the The New York Times bestsellers list. The next year I'd look at that goal and feel disappointed and sad because I hadn't attained it. I'd also feel a little like a loser. Not attaining this goal brought me down. Setting and missing the goal several years in a row was demoralizing. it was easy to feel like I'd never get there.
When I was starting out as a novelist, I didn’t really know what hitting a bestsellers list took, what actions were truly involved, what the numbers really were. (I know much better now.)
I only knew that being on The New York Times bestsellers list was a status symbol, and I thought it meant that I would have sold lots of books. And then I’d be known as a successful writer. That I’d BE a successful writer.
When I started investigating what this really meant, to be on this bestsellers list, I discovered — as you may have already noticed — that I wanted to be known. I wanted to be seen as a successful writer.
I wanted this external validation by the world at large, by complete strangers and by close friends alike.
But why did I want this?
The NLP question I like to ask when I’m exploring, excavating, WHY, is:
What will having that do for you?
So I ask myself now: Beth, what will having that do for you to be on the The New York Times bestsellers list?
Answer: I’ll be validated by the world at large, by complete strangers, and by close friends alike.
Great. And what will having THAT do for you — being validated by the world at large, by complete strangers, and by close friends alike?
Answer: I’ll feel satisfied. I will feel like I have “made it,” “arrived.” I will feel settled and secure.
Q: So what you would like is to feel settled and secure? A: Yes!
Q: If there was a way you could feel settled and secure now, would you like that? A: Yes please!
{Waving magic wand!!! Et voila! Beth has the experience she wants... }
Coming back with my teaching and coaching hat now.
I know it’s not as easy as that… And there is a way to have that experience now — with future pacing. I’ll talk about that next week.
As I brought myself through that Q&A, I arrived at some emotional answers -- that I would like to feel settled and secure and I’d like to feel that now.
Who wouldn’t?! :)
All this to say that when we get clear on what external markers of success we’re striving for, and dig underneath to uncover the emotional experience we’re really striving for, we may change our external goals. We can also learn to bring that experience into the now. I’ll talk more about how to do that next week.
In the meantime, please let me know what you discover as your definition of your author success.
Would I still like to be on a bestsellers list? Yes!
And, if I can feel settled and secure now, I want that too. ( I experience these feelings now, and I still would love to attain my goal, but this goal doesn't haunt me anymore.) | 
