Pacing, body tensing and fists clenched, he started to lash out with harsh words. Until he caught himself, and walked away while taking some slow breaths.
Who was this? My son.
On any given day, you could take your pick as to which of the two it was (on this particular occasion, it was my eldest's reaction to something his button-pushing younger brother did).
Teenage boys aren't exactly known for their ability to regulate their emotions. Both are a work-in-progress (although my oldest is getting much better at it).
Aren't we all a work-in-progress at emotional regulation?
Because no matter how calm you typically are when under pressure, regardless of your stress resilience skills, and no matter how chill your usual demeanor...
You're human.
People push buttons.
Sometimes you just can't.
The thing NOT to do is to ignore. To push your feelings/emotions (and the thoughts behind them) to another day.
Although that might work for a time, eventually all the pent-up frustration, anger and resentment will explode. Sometimes at the wrong people.
Don't let that happen to you, Friend.
What can you do?
Pay attention to your triggers (you can't do a thing without knowing what those are). Use mindfulness tools to help expand your self-awareness.
And face those fears, doubts and thoughts that create the emotions you're having. Because other people and circumstances aren't actually creating those emotions.
You are.
And you have a choice in how to feel and what to think.
I encourage you not to do this all by yourself. Enlist help from friends, colleagues, family and maybe even a professional.
I know what you're thinking...
I'm successful. People look up to me. So, I shouldn't need this.
Wrong.
This is a human thing we all must deal with. And it's especially the case for us high-achievers (who place added pressure on ourselves).
That's why I invited former lawyer turned counselor Bena Stock to join me for a conversation around the emotional regulation skills every high-achiever needs.
Listen here.
XO,
Heather
