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How often do you compare yourself, your results, your life - even your kids - to others?
We started the week off talking about what I call "comparison-itis". And I let you in on some seriously embarrassing truths about how I used to compare myself to others.
Today, I want to finish up with 4 additional reasons why you shouldn't compare yourself (or your results) to others and 5 simple things you can do to help stop you from comparing yourself when you feel the urge to do so.
4 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Compare Yourself to Others
Whenever you find yourself venturing into comparison-mode, I want you to remind yourself that:1. Comparing yourself (and your results) will stall out your progress and growth.
Comparison will quickly put you in a very unhealthy place - and you'll get stuck there. Comparing yourself is a mindset that you're choosing to take on.
A mindset that's focused only on what you (or others) don't have and what others (or you) do have. And that mindset will limit your ability to learn and grow - preventing you from getting much of anything accomplished (including your goals and dreams).
2. You're comparing yourself (and your results) to unrealistic expectations and outcomes.
First, you don't know what you don't know (about whomever you're comparing yourself to). Second, you're not taking into account your reality. No one's life is perfect or without flaws. And although you know this (at least, rationally), you're not taking this into account when comparing. Why? Because it's impossible to do so.
You have no idea what's going on behind the scenes, what help someone else received, etc. Comparing your life to another is grossly unfair - and unrealistic.
3. When you compare, you're damaging your self-worth and self-confidence.
When comparing yourself to the good fortunes of others, you're damaging your self-confidence, creating feelings of envy, and even making it difficult to trust others. Moreover, by getting yourself stuck in this negative mindset, you're stealing your own happiness from yourself.
Even when you compare yourself to others' bad fortunes (in the hopes that it will make you feel better), you're damaging yourself. Doing this hurts your relationships with others and increases stress. When your self-worth is based on how much *better* you are than others, you'll constantly be worried about maintaining your status.
When
you compare yourself to others, you always lose. There will ALWAYS be
someone *better* than you at something. And you'll ALWAYS worry about
how you stack up.
4. Comparison leads to feeling out-of-control.
It's impossible to feel (or even be) in control of your life when it's based on what others are accomplishing instead of your own accomplishments. And, I've got to tell you, it's
exhausting, stressful, and depressing.
What to Do Instead
How can you turn things around when you feel the urge to compare yourself to others? First, if you're comparing yourself to others' bad fortunes in the hopes of making yourself feel better, remember this: you're only hurting yourself by doing so.
And for the more typical tendency of comparing yourself to the *better* lives of others, here are 5 simple ways to help you stop:
- Practice gratitude. It's hard to compare when you focus on what you're grateful for.
- Be your best friend. When you hear the negative voice inside your head start talking, say what you would say to your best friend if she was saying these things about herself. And say it aloud - you're more likely to start believing it that way.
- Turn the comparison into something to aspire to. First, acknowledge that it took the other person work and dedication to get to where they are now. And then accept that it's possible for you too to have similar types of accomplishments (although not the EXACT same success) so long as you're similarly consistent, persistent, and learn from your experiences along the way. This will help you to realize the hard work that was involved in the other person's journey and will help you to start focusing on what you want to do next (instead of worrying about someone else's accomplishments).
- Compare yourself to YOU. First, look to where you are now versus where you were a year (or more ago) and ask yourself what you've accomplished and learned. Next, ask yourself where you would like to go and start mapping out the ways to get there. Hopefully, the benefits of this are obvious...
- Identify and STOP doing whatever sets you off. Make note of what tends to lead you into comparing yourself to others. Is it social media or being around someone who likes to brag? Whatever it is, identify it. And then limit these interactions.
I have a mantra that I say to myself anytime I feel the urge to compare:
"I will NOT compare myself, my life, or my results to someone else's highlight reel. My life - my story - is uniquely MINE. And it's not worthy of comparison."
Memorize it and say it to yourself. Because it's true for you too.
Until next time...
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P.S. If you're ready to own who YOU are and would like to get some clarity around how, download the Inner Compass Values Assessment now (no opt-in required). The Values Assessment will help you to uncover and define your core values so that you can have clarity around exactly what you want and how to get it, be confident in the decisions you're making (no more second guessing), and be in control over your life. This is the LAST TIME (for a while, at least) that I'll be offering it up to you without needing to specifically opt in. So download it now if you're interested!
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