Are you a people-pleaser, Friend?

You might be vigorously nodding your head (maybe even screaming a resounding “yes!”). Or maybe you think “no”, I’m not really a people-pleaser at all. [Let’s test that, shall we?]

Do you:

• Ever say yes to something you wish you could say no to?

• Sometimes (maybe, often) offer to help others despite being slammed?

• Spend a majority of your time on things that aren’t all that important to you?

And think about how often say (or even think to yourself):

• I have to.

• I must.

• I need to.

• I have no choice.

Because it's what others expect and/or want from you. And you don't want to let anyone down.

If none of the above resonates, then congratulations! You are not a people-pleaser.

But if it did, please know...

Most high-achievers are people-pleasers.

And yes, it’s part of what has made you so successful (to a point).

The thing about people-pleasing is that it can only get you so far. At some point, the returns start to diminish. Go long enough, and people-pleasing will work against you.

Case in point:

I know a lawyer who got to where he resented his own clients. He felt like they ruled his life because (sadly) they DID rule his life.

Although he couldn’t initially see that it was his fault, he later realized (after retiring) that the blame was squarely on his own shoulders.

This damaged relationships and he even lost business over it.

The good news is that you can achieve a lot (even more) by letting go of people-pleasing. But fair warning: your brain will try to tell you that’s not true.

People-pleasing often doesn't show up everywhere in your life.

Although there are generalist people-pleasers out there, I’ve come to learn that most of us don’t try to please everyone.

Get clear around where you people please most (to help you decipher why it’s happening).

People-pleasing compromises your identity.

This is the worst part of people-pleasing. When you aim to please others, you do this at the expense of yourself.

You get further away from your goals, your values, your vision and your needs.

Which is how you end up bitter - even resentful - towards those you’ve worked hard to please.

So, how can you start to overcome people-pleasing?

That is what today's Life & Law Podcast is all about. Learn here.

XO,

Heather