I was diagnosed with breast cancer on January 19, 2012. That means that I recently became a 7-year "survivor". Cancer brought with it an "anniversary" I never wanted yet have always felt obligated to "celebrate" (because it seemed like the thing to do). Over the years, a host of different emotions have hit me every January 19th. I've felt...
- Nervous yet hopeful (while secretly wondering whether being too thankful would jinx me).
- Relief as my recurrence risk started to drastically reduce.
- Guilt about being one of the lucky ones still alive.
The one constant was that my anniversary always brought with it a day of big emotions. And I believed that would continue forever. And then January 19, 2019 came and I felt....
Nothing.
Actually, I completely forgot that it was my “anniversary” and only realized that it had come and gone last night (after reviewing my calendar). The emotion that I felt? Surprise.
Yet maybe I shouldn't be surprised at all.
For years I've thought about coaching cancer survivors to help them figure out how cancer has changed them and how to find their new "normal". Yet I was afraid to do that because: - I didn't feel emotionally ready, having so recently been through this journey myself; and
- I wasn't sure that I was prepared, from a psychological standpoint, to deal with recurrence in my clients.
But recently that's all changed. I'm working with a few other survivors to get a cancer support group started. And I plan to see if there's truly a need for coaching on the "what's next" question (and if there is, I'll be expanding my business with a new program later this year).
What happened?
My perspective has changed. Although cancer has never truly defined me, it was obviously affecting how I viewed myself and my place in this world. And it still does. It's just that the "how" part has changed.
What's my point (and how does it relate to you)? |