Throughout my childhood and into young adulthood, I followed all the "rules" about how to be successful and happy.
This led to plenty of achievements and a reputation of being the smart and reliable girl who always got the job done. It even seemed as if I "had it all".
Although I certainly had a high-powered career with plenty of money (that could buy me lots of things), I also had tons of conflicting thoughts spinning through my head about how... - unhappy and unfulfilled I felt;
- I'd be letting my family (and even myself) down if I gave it all up;
- unfair it was that I was so miserable after working so hard (and other people who didn't work 1/2 as hard seemed happy); and
- guilty I felt for having all the thoughts above.
I was a mess! And yet I kept going as-is for some time because I couldn't bring myself to break any of the so-called rules.
About 4 years into my legal career, I finally realized the truth. I had been so engrossed in comparing myself and my life to other people that I'd failed to recognize I'd been applying the wrong rules (rules meant for other people).
I didn't need to break the rules, just redefine them for myself!
That's when I started to turn my career and life around (I didn't need to change careers after all). Here's what that looked like in real life: - I reevaluated what success meant to me (in both my career and life) and put together a long-term plan that aligned with my personal values.
- I turned down work from a partner who I'd been trying to please for a LONG time, but couldn't make happy. We just didn't mesh and I realized I needed to let go of trying to please her.
- I set clear boundaries around when I'd help out fellow associates and stuck to them.
- I began searching for a new law firm that had the kind of work I wanted to be doing long-term (and found that firm about a year later).
Years later (after my cancer battle), I realized that cancer changed me and how I wanted to serve people. Once again, I needed to redefine success for myself.
But this time I didn't fight it!
Success Tip of the Week
How about you, Friend?
Where are you following the wrong rules in your life? Do you have a clear sense of what success means to you (not just in your career or when it comes to your finances, but in how you want to live your life)?
My advice (and challenge) for you is to redefine success for yourself. Start with your values and use them as your guide.
And if you're uncertain or feel like you can't figure it out, ask yourself some questions: - Do you ever feel like there's got to be more to life than this? What's the "this" in that equation? Get specific about it and why you feel like it's not enough (or not the right thing).
- Where in your life do you feel frustration, anger or resentment? Pay attention to where you feel you're working too hard for something (and it's just not worth it) or where you might be trying to please other people.
- If you didn't care about what other people thought of you (at all), what dreams would you go after?
Answering these questions will help you to identify (1) what rules you'd like to let go of, (2) where you'd like to redefine the rules for yourself, and (3) what your new rules should be.
Before you go, hit reply to this email and tell me one "rule" you've been following that you're ready to let go of (and what you want to replace it with). I read every email and WILL respond with support, encouragement, and even a tip or two.
XO, | 
