People often remark on how happy I always am. And they assume that I don't feel negative emotions as strongly as they do (or that not much goes wrong in my life).
But they couldn't be further from the truth.
Although they're right about the happiness part, they're wrong about everything else.
Because I have problems (life is messy, you know). And I FEEL.
For example, I worry over whether my business will continue to grow, stress over health expenditures and insurance, doubt my capabilities and fear that one day my cancer will come back.
Yet I don't allow those emotions to take over (and stay generally happy).
What's my secret, Friend? I accept.
Why Acceptance Is The Secret to Being Happier
Instead of denying, avoiding and suppressing your feelings, you need to actually FEEL THEM.
I learned how to do this like a pro when I battled breast cancer.
There were long periods of physical pain and nausea. I didn't know whether the chemo was actually working and wondered whether it was all worth it.
I was often bed-ridden, unable to move. I felt guilty for not being there for my boys (who were 6 and 2 at the time) and was terrified that I'd not be able to see them grow up. And I was angry.
Although I initially wanted to run away from these feelings, that was too much work. I didn't have the mental or physical energy for it.
So, the only thing to do was to accept how I felt. That's when something magical happened. . .
The power my emotions had over me diminished (I even learned to be GRATEFUL for them).
Happiness isn't about always feeling positive. It's about acceptance of what is and learning to be content with yourself and your life (no matter what's going on).
Besides, you can't fully feel the good if you're not willing to feel the bad stuff.
Here in the United States, we're about to celebrate Thanksgiving. And then we move into the busiest and (for many) most stressful, emotional time of the year.
Instead of trying to push your emotions away and just get through the season, I want you to do something different this year. I want you to ACCEPT.
How to Accept + Take Back Control (5 Steps)
How do you go about accepting your emotions? Here's what to do: - Step 1: Pay attention to how you feel. I recommend setting aside 5-10 minutes per day for quiet reflection to scan your body and mind.
- Step 2: Label your feelings. Do this as an objective observer and treat your feelings as though they are separate from WHO you are (I like to think of mine as though they're Sadness from the movie Inside-Out).
- Step 3: Remind yourself that you're human and that it's okay to feel your emotions (and just let them be there). Once you stop trying to push them away, you'll notice that they don't have as much power over you.
- Step 4: Turn your attention to the people and things around you. There's more in this world than the negative emotions you feel and the circumstances that you're experiencing. Pay attention to those things.
- Step 5: Find something (specific) to be thankful for. There's ALWAYS something that you can be thankful for. Even if it's about having the energy to get out of bed long enough for a shower (that's a real-life example).
This process will help you stop dwelling on your negative emotions. You'll learn that they aren't as all-encompassing as you previously thought. Plus, you'll be building emotional strength and resilience.
Because you can't control your emotions, but you can control how you relate to them.
Before you go, I just wanted to say thank you and I'm truly grateful for you. I'm happy to have this space to share my thoughts with you (and hopefully help you lead a more fulfilling life).
If you're celebrating Thanksgiving, have a happy Thanksgiving celebration. And if not, find something to be thankful for anyway (you'll be happier for it)! XO, |
