Friend, are you ready to stop letting fear paralyze you and to instead fly?
We talked last week about how to stop allowing fear to control you - and to take control instead. And today I want to introduce to you a process to help you do that.
Because fear paralyzes us into submission. And who wants to submit?
How Fear Controls Us
About a year ago I talked with a potential client who said she
was ready for change. She described feeling trapped in a world that had been
defined by the priorities and expectations of everyone except her – and she was
miserable as a result (to the point of being in tears almost every day while
driving home from work).
She told me that she’d do anything to make a change for the
better. But she was afraid. She feared: (1) what
others would think should she choose to step away from her current high-powered
career and do something different, (2) how these changes would affect her
day-to-day life and relationships with those she loved, and (3) that making a
change might not solve all her problems. And she let this fear get in her way.
Fear happens to be the #1 reason people end up not making any changes - even when they desperately want to.
Fear Lies
The fact is: fear lies. It convinces you that doing nothing
is better than making a change. Think about that for a moment. Is it
really better to stay “comfortable” in your misery than to do something (anything)
to make a change for the better?
That’s not rational, is it?
But that’s what fear does. It fogs the mind and makes it difficult
to think rationally.
Fear of the Unknown
There are so many fears that get in our way of change. Fear
of success. Fear of failure. Fear of change itself (because any changes necessarily
have a ripple effect and we can’t control how everyone else reacts to us making
changes to our lives).
Each of the above-referenced fears boil down into one: fear
of the unknown.
But here’s the thing: the unknown is a constant (regardless of whether we make a change). We can’t
control what happens to and around us. And we have no idea what’s ahead
(regardless of how well we plan).
Moreover (and this is important), we have no idea how going
on as-is will affect our future either.
What gets lost in our fear is the fact that doing nothing is
going to have an effect - on who we are, how we perceive ourselves and the world
around us, our relationships, and so on. And when we refuse to change something
that we know deep within needs changing, the effect of not making a change can
be much deadlier than the change that scares us.
5 Step Fear-Busting
Formula
So, now that I’ve (hopefully) convinced you that it’s time
to stop allowing fear to paralyze you into doing nothing, what’s next? What if
you have a fear that you rationally know you want to move beyond, but you’re
having a difficult time taking the next step?
Use this simple 5-step Fear
Busting Formula to help you get the upper hand on your fear and take that first step. Because
busting through your fears isn’t about making your fears go away. It’s about putting
one foot in front of the other – repeatedly (and baby steps count too).
Step #1: Acknowledge your fear. Define it with specificity and get clear on everything you're afraid of. This will help keep you way from pretending you don't have a fear or from discounting your fear.
Step #2: Feel into your fear. Part of what keeps you so paralyzed
and unable to move forward is the refusal to feel the emotions surrounding your
fears. It has power over you when you do this (and often, by hiding from your
emotions, you’re creating an even bigger monster). Unless and until you feel
into your fear and allow yourself to go “there” (e.g., be vulnerable and real
about what you feel and what you’re so scared of), the fear will lurk within
the crevasses of your brain and refuse to leave. But going through steps #1 and
#2 will help dissipate some of this fear more naturally and allow you to start to
move beyond it.
Step #3: Unpack your story behind your fear. What’s the story and/or belief behind this fear? Look especially to beliefs about: (1) who you (and
those around you) are, and (2) what you (and others) are (or aren’t) capable of. With
a critical eye, spot the opinions from the facts. And especially look for the broad
generalizations. Statements like:
- I’ll never be successful at…
- Nothing can change in this area of my life
because…
- I’m not capable of …
Step #4: Choose your new story going forward. This is where
you make a choice to start moving beyond your current story and create a new
one. And make no mistake: this is a choice you get to make. While doing this, remember
that: (1) fear is ever-present, especially when growing and learning new things
(and so it’s okay to feel it), (2) failure isn’t the opposite of success (true
failure occurs when you give up completely and refuse to continue on), (3) you
have control over what decisions you make next (and therefore, if something
doesn’t work out as planned, you will learn from it and pivot), and (4) life is
one big journey – so don’t take any one event too seriously. Note: this step isn't something you do once and no longer think about. It's continuous and a way of life (but it's your new story, so it should be).
Step #5: Make a plan. So, you’ve identified what you’re
afraid of. Plan for the worst. Visualize what will happen if you go forward and
your fears do come true. Then what? How do you want to plan for this? Also, ask
yourself how you can prevent it from happening (and plan for that too). This step
may sound scary, but what often happens is: (1) a realization that your fear isn't as bad as you originally made it out to be (and that you can plan around it), and (2) the fear
diminishes as you plan for it (making it easier to move beyond it). Something
happens when you get into action. Things just don’t seem all that difficult or
scary anymore.
I know that this is a lot to take in. And, as a result, I’m going
to go through this process LIVE later this week (on Thursday) for anyone who’s interested in diving
deeper and applying it to a real-world situation. So, be on the lookout for an email notifying you when it's time to join me live (at 11:30 CST this Thursday on my Facebook Page).
So, what do you think about this fear-busting formula? If this is something that you think could work for you, reply and let me know. And if you're not sure - let me know about that too. I'd love to hear your thoughts about it.
I hope to see you flying soon!
XO, |
