The Secret Sauce to a Man's Heart ✨

I am sure that by now, you have heard from me that the path to a mans love and commitment is not centered around being a sex kitten, an intellectual sparring partner, spiritual ally or a sports buddy. 

There has been much written about sexual chemistry, having similar social and religious values and common interests as being important in a marriage and I agree, but that is not what I am talking about. 

 
Don't confuse being a sex kitten with having natural sexual chemistry.

Don't mistake having similar religious values with kindred spiritual connectedness.

Get clear on the difference between having common interests and being a mans buddy. 

 
One of the hardest concepts for woman to understand is what actually does make a man fall in love. What is the real secret sauce? 

You have heard me say that you have to reach his heart for him to want to claim you as his.

A man will not commit to a woman if he feels he cannot make her happy. 

 
So, let's talk about happiness. 

And let me make it clear. Although it is a nice romantic notion, it is not a mans job to make you happy. 

Happiness is an inside job! 

And it's pretty challenging to be happy all the time, when there are all kinds of stressful things going on around us.

But, he will be naturally drawn to you when you are innately happy.
Do we fake it and put on happy face even when we feel down or angry? 

The kind of happiness I am talking about is not about faking anything. 

If you have taken anything away from my advice, you would know by now, the more you try to fake it or anything around a man, the further he will tend to run. 

 
Someone said to me not too long ago,

These words equally warmed and surprised me when I heard them.
But, they also struck a somber chord within me. 

Truth is, I've spent the better part of my adult life-endless hours and years-getting here….in part as it turns out, so you won't have to.

And here, is not always sunny.

The people closest to me know I get really grumpy, emotional, and even occasionally depressed.

I've come a long way from wishing I was dead and almost acting on it and from numbing myself with anti-depressant drugs and distractions too many to name, to the place where I am now.

I'm not sharing this with you for pity or praise; I neither feel particularly entitled to nor impacted by either. I'm sharing this because in my experience, happiness comes from a mega unpacking of falsehoods-lies taught to us by our culture.

Untruths like, "I'm not worthy" or, "I'll be happy when" or, "If I had this thing/person, everything would be okay."

And let's be clear, happiness doesn't mean we always appear like kissy-face emojis.

As women, we become naturally and organically happy when we embrace our feminine energy or learn to identify and experience the entire spectrum of our emotions. 

 
When we know deep down that we can and must allow ourselves to, "go there" and claim each and every one as ours. 

When we trust that we can feel that feeling and love it no matter how icky it is, because it is part of who we are we are…we are on our way.

Happiness means that we understand that although we have complete and total access to our emotions, we choose whether to act on them.

And, embracing an emotion and acting on it are very different things.

We can cry and scream and be unapologetically sensitive, and know we're loved anyway or we can simply sit in the feeling without acting on it and still know we are loved. 

Happiness means we can muster up the compassion and empathy to be there for a friend or a stranger when they seem broken, even if it's inconvenient…no, especially if it's inconvenient.

Happiness means that irrespective of how people behave around us or what's happening to us, or whatever is happening in this ever-changing world, that we are solid and grounded inside, knowing we can access, express and love every part of our feeling selves without fear.

TRUST YOUR BOUNDARIES. 

FOLLOW YOUR FEELINGS. 

CHOOSE YOUR WORDS AND BE SURPRISED....AND HAPPY!